EIGHT GOLDEN RULES FOR INSTIGATING CHANGE IN PEOPLE without giving them a hard time...
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It is always easier for any one of us to accept criticism after we've received some praise. So if you wish to criticize, do it after you've given the person some honest praise and appreciation.
A manager noticed that his secretary was in the habit of not coming to work on time. He had also noticed that she is always very presentable in appearance. So he started, "you always dress very nicely, you do our company's image a lot of good." The secretary blushed and was flattered. He then said, "I would just appreciate it if you were more punctual." And from that day on she was as sharp as a clock.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
It is a normal human trait to not take criticism easily, but there is a way by which you can criticize and not be hated for it. That way is to criticize indirectly.
A sales manager saw one day that his sales force in the store were chatting among themselves and didn't notice the woman that was waiting to be served. He did not call on them but rather served the lady himself and handed them the purchase to be wrapped. They got the message very clearly and appreciated his manner in dealing with the matter.
Another manager wanted to keep three employees from smoking indoors. He bought each one an expensive cigar, and handed the cigars to them while they were smoking. They were very happy with the gift. He then said, "could you just please smoke them outside?" Naturally, they never smoked indoors again.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing
Another way to help people accept their mistakes and try to change is by humbly admitting that you yourself are not flawless. Before bringing their attention to their fault, mention the similar faults of your own.
An engineer's secretary used to often type his letters with spelling mistakes. Until one day when he received a letter that had mistakes, he sat her down and said, "being an engineer, I was never noted for my English skills, but because our letters give an impression about us I had to pay close attention to changing that fact about me. I started carrying around a pocket dictionary." They sat together and fixed all the spelling mistakes in that letter, and ever since she made significantly less spelling mistakes.
4. Ask questions instead of direct orders
People tend to dislike taking orders.
A very successful businessman was noted by his workers for never telling someone "do this", or "don't do that." He would always say things like, "you might consider�" or "what do you think about�" or "do you think this would work?"
Asking questions like that and not giving orders saves a person's pride and gives them a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
5. Don't hurt a person's pride
At a business meeting once an employee was to present a report to her boss and co-workers. She had made a mistake in her research and mentioned it and told everyone that the research needed to be redone. Her manager could have scolded her and criticized her mistake and hurt her pride in front of everyone present.
Instead, he said, "It is not unusual to make mistakes when working on a new project, I have confidence that the next report will be accurate and reliable, and I know that this mistake was due to lack of experience and not lack of ability." The woman walked out of the meeting determined to never let her boss down again.
Even when someone is definitely wrong, you will only destroy their ego by hurting their pride.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and be specific
When an employee has done a good job or improved in any way, take the time to recognize his or her efforts. Be specific, point out what it is exactly that made their work superior. Everybody likes to be praised but when it is specific it comes across as sincere, and not just something another person is saying to make one feel good.
Sincere and specific praise can work as an exceptional motivator.
7. Give the person a reputation to live up to
When you have something to ask of someone, start by giving them a reputation to live up to.
A sales person had finished an unsuccessful sales call with an existing client about a new product. He was very upset. He went back and said, "Since I left this morning I realized I did not give you the entire picture and I would appreciate some of your time to tell you the points I omitted. I have respected the fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enough to change your mind when the facts warrant a change." Naturally, he was granted another hearing.
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct
If you ever tell an employee that they are doing everything wrong or that they are stupid at doing a certain thing, then you've destroyed every chance that this person tries to improve. However, if you encourage them and tell them that it is easy and that they just need to develop the knack for it and show them you have faith in their ability, then they will try ten times as hard to do it right.
These rules don't guarantee that you will always get people to do the things you want but they sure will increase you chances. Again, and it cannot be stressed enough, all these rules must be applied with sincerity. That is the only way they can be effective
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
control of 5 senses is necessary
A disciple and his teacher were walking through the forest. The disciple was disturbed by the fact that his mind was in constant unrest.
He asked his teacher, "Why most people's minds are restless, and only a few possess a calm mind? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said, "I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more."
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly, "Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
An elephant and a Fly
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses pull me constantly in all directions and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said, "My five senses do not rule my attention. Whatever I do, I get immersed in it. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I rule and control my attention, and not the other way around."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said, "I understand! If my five senses are in control of my mind and attention, then my mind is in constant unrest. If I am in charge of my five senses and attention, then my mind becomes calm."
"Yes, that's right", answered the teacher, "The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind."
He asked his teacher, "Why most people's minds are restless, and only a few possess a calm mind? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said, "I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more."
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly, "Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
An elephant and a Fly
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses pull me constantly in all directions and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said, "My five senses do not rule my attention. Whatever I do, I get immersed in it. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I rule and control my attention, and not the other way around."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said, "I understand! If my five senses are in control of my mind and attention, then my mind is in constant unrest. If I am in charge of my five senses and attention, then my mind becomes calm."
"Yes, that's right", answered the teacher, "The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind."
The ego is like the rose
The ego is like the rose and also like the thorns which surround the rose. It takes the place of the thorns when it is not cultivated, and it becomes a rose when it is refined.
When the ego remains in the condition of a thorn, more thorns come; and more and more, till it increases its thorns to such an extent that everyone who touches that person is dissatisfied.
In what way do these thorns manifest? They manifest in the form of words, of actions, of desires, in the form of manner. Why does one feel annoyed with certain people in life, even before they have uttered one word? Because the thorn is pricking.
Perhaps that person will say, ‘But I have not said anything, I have not done anything,’ but he does not know that he has thorns; there are perhaps so many that even before he utters one word, before he moves, his presence pricks us. It is a natural outcome of the ego.
Either the ego develops thorns, or it develops into a rose; and when it develops into a rose, then everyone is attracted to it because of its beautiful petals, its delicacy, its fragrance, its color, its softness, its structure.
Everything about it is attractive, appealing, and healing. For every soul there are four stages to pass through in order to come to the culmination of the ego, which means to reach the stage of the rose.
The first stage is that a person is rough, thoughtless and inconsiderate. He is interested in what he wants and in what he likes; as such he is naturally blind to the needs and wants of others.
In the second stage a man is decent and good as long as his interests are concerned. As long as he can get his wish fulfilled he is pleasant and kind and good and harmonious; but if he cannot get his wish and cannot have his way, then he becomes rough and crude and changes completely.
And there is a third stage, when someone is more concerned with another person’s wish and desire, and less with himself; when his whole heart is seeking for what he can do for another. In his thought the other person comes first and he comes after wards.
That is the beginning of turning into the rose.
It is only a rosebud, but then in the fourth stage this rosebud blooms in the person who entirely forgets himself in doing kind deeds for others.
When the ego remains in the condition of a thorn, more thorns come; and more and more, till it increases its thorns to such an extent that everyone who touches that person is dissatisfied.
In what way do these thorns manifest? They manifest in the form of words, of actions, of desires, in the form of manner. Why does one feel annoyed with certain people in life, even before they have uttered one word? Because the thorn is pricking.
Perhaps that person will say, ‘But I have not said anything, I have not done anything,’ but he does not know that he has thorns; there are perhaps so many that even before he utters one word, before he moves, his presence pricks us. It is a natural outcome of the ego.
Either the ego develops thorns, or it develops into a rose; and when it develops into a rose, then everyone is attracted to it because of its beautiful petals, its delicacy, its fragrance, its color, its softness, its structure.
Everything about it is attractive, appealing, and healing. For every soul there are four stages to pass through in order to come to the culmination of the ego, which means to reach the stage of the rose.
The first stage is that a person is rough, thoughtless and inconsiderate. He is interested in what he wants and in what he likes; as such he is naturally blind to the needs and wants of others.
In the second stage a man is decent and good as long as his interests are concerned. As long as he can get his wish fulfilled he is pleasant and kind and good and harmonious; but if he cannot get his wish and cannot have his way, then he becomes rough and crude and changes completely.
And there is a third stage, when someone is more concerned with another person’s wish and desire, and less with himself; when his whole heart is seeking for what he can do for another. In his thought the other person comes first and he comes after wards.
That is the beginning of turning into the rose.
It is only a rosebud, but then in the fourth stage this rosebud blooms in the person who entirely forgets himself in doing kind deeds for others.
Prayer to God in Calmer Moments
There is a story of about a Sea Captain who in his retirement skippered a boat taking day-trippers to the Shetland Islands. On one trip, the boat was full of young people. They laughed at the old Captain when they saw him say a prayer before sailing out because the day was fine and the sea was calm.
However they were not long at sea when a storm suddenly blew up and the boat began to pitch violently. The terrified passengers came to the Captain and asked him to join them in prayer. But he replied, 'I say my prayers when it's calm. When it's rough I attend to my ship.'
Here is a lesson for us......
If we cannot and will not seek God in quiet moments of our lives, we are not likely to find Him when trouble strikes. We are more likely to panic. But if we have learnt to seek Him and trust Him in quiet moments, then most certainly we will find Him when the going gets rough
However they were not long at sea when a storm suddenly blew up and the boat began to pitch violently. The terrified passengers came to the Captain and asked him to join them in prayer. But he replied, 'I say my prayers when it's calm. When it's rough I attend to my ship.'
Here is a lesson for us......
If we cannot and will not seek God in quiet moments of our lives, we are not likely to find Him when trouble strikes. We are more likely to panic. But if we have learnt to seek Him and trust Him in quiet moments, then most certainly we will find Him when the going gets rough
Some Quotes
"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot;
But make it hot by striking."
-
William B. Sprague
"It is hard to fail,
But it is worse never to have tried to succeed."
-
Theodore Roosevelt
"Fortune favors the brave."
-
Publius Terence
"Nothing can stop the man
with the right mental attitude
from achieving his goal;
Nothing on earth can help the man
with the wrong mental attitude."
-
W.W. Ziege
"There is only one success –
To be able to spend your life in your own way."
-
Christopher Morley
People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing –
That's why we recommend it daily."
-
Zig Ziglar
"That some achieve great success,
Is proof to all that others can achieve it as well. "
- Abraham Lincoln
But make it hot by striking."
-
William B. Sprague
"It is hard to fail,
But it is worse never to have tried to succeed."
-
Theodore Roosevelt
"Fortune favors the brave."
-
Publius Terence
"Nothing can stop the man
with the right mental attitude
from achieving his goal;
Nothing on earth can help the man
with the wrong mental attitude."
-
W.W. Ziege
"There is only one success –
To be able to spend your life in your own way."
-
Christopher Morley
People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing –
That's why we recommend it daily."
-
Zig Ziglar
"That some achieve great success,
Is proof to all that others can achieve it as well. "
- Abraham Lincoln
Change your thinking, change your life.
A leader must build a winning spirit, encouraging employee's enthusiasm. A positive environment urges employees to use their energy and talents to compel the company toward productivity. The powers to influence, inspire, and move people to share their talents fall upon the leader. Being a truthful, honest and positive role model is the only way to motivate your team toward a productive relationship, working together for the good of all.
A Leaders Ten Steps to a Winning Spirit:
1. Believe in Yourself - Know that you are unique and only you can provide certain talents. Realize that you are enough; you don't have to be more.
2. Don't Live with the Status Quo - Become energized by new ambitions and excitement for living.
3. Challenge the Odds and Be Bold - Shake off worries and anxiety, becoming confident and free from personal limitations. You can make a difference.
4. Be Open to New Ideas - Recognize that you can learn from others. Be open to what others are offering, being flexible and adaptable.
5. Practice Specific Leader Behaviors - Leaders are not born, but have to practice the qualities of other successful leaders.
6. Visualize Your Success as a Leader - In order to have a winning spirit, you must see yourself as a leader. Have a successful result in mind.
7. Maintain Focus - You have power over your thoughts, and can change your life by changing your attitude. Focus on winning.
8. Discipline Yourself - Replace your inner conflicts into calmness and accept a rich life. Don't waste your time on things that don't matter.
9. Enjoy Today - Do not worry about tomorrow. You can plan for the future, but enjoy today. Live the day that is right in front of you to the fullest.
10. Practice Being Positive - Your positive thought will be mirrored right back to you.
These ten steps are pivotal to instilling a winning spirit in both yourself and your employees. Following these proactive leadership behaviours will bring your organization a competitive edge. The right mix of leadership qualities and styles will pull the company together not only in the good times, but in the times of crisis, as well. It all stems upon a strong organizational performance, climate, and positive engagement of the workforce.
winning attitude sets your mood and dictates your tempo. It provides motivation and keeps you moving in a positive direction towards the fulfillment of your goals and aspirations. It stabilizes your focus and soothes your spirit, especially in times of trouble and uncertainty. It picks you up when you get knocked down and provides direction when you lose your way.
A Leaders Ten Steps to a Winning Spirit:
1. Believe in Yourself - Know that you are unique and only you can provide certain talents. Realize that you are enough; you don't have to be more.
2. Don't Live with the Status Quo - Become energized by new ambitions and excitement for living.
3. Challenge the Odds and Be Bold - Shake off worries and anxiety, becoming confident and free from personal limitations. You can make a difference.
4. Be Open to New Ideas - Recognize that you can learn from others. Be open to what others are offering, being flexible and adaptable.
5. Practice Specific Leader Behaviors - Leaders are not born, but have to practice the qualities of other successful leaders.
6. Visualize Your Success as a Leader - In order to have a winning spirit, you must see yourself as a leader. Have a successful result in mind.
7. Maintain Focus - You have power over your thoughts, and can change your life by changing your attitude. Focus on winning.
8. Discipline Yourself - Replace your inner conflicts into calmness and accept a rich life. Don't waste your time on things that don't matter.
9. Enjoy Today - Do not worry about tomorrow. You can plan for the future, but enjoy today. Live the day that is right in front of you to the fullest.
10. Practice Being Positive - Your positive thought will be mirrored right back to you.
These ten steps are pivotal to instilling a winning spirit in both yourself and your employees. Following these proactive leadership behaviours will bring your organization a competitive edge. The right mix of leadership qualities and styles will pull the company together not only in the good times, but in the times of crisis, as well. It all stems upon a strong organizational performance, climate, and positive engagement of the workforce.
winning attitude sets your mood and dictates your tempo. It provides motivation and keeps you moving in a positive direction towards the fulfillment of your goals and aspirations. It stabilizes your focus and soothes your spirit, especially in times of trouble and uncertainty. It picks you up when you get knocked down and provides direction when you lose your way.
Monday, October 5, 2009
How to Make Your Boss Adore You and Keep Your Job
Instructions
Step 1
Focus on getting the job done right, on schedule, and only work late when you really have to.
While you may think that by staying late into the evening you're impressing your boss, you could actually be tarnishing your image. When your boss sees you working late or hears you talking about your long hours on the job, he may begin to wonder why you can't get the job done during your regular work hours. Worse yet, he may begin looking at you as "self-serving. "
Believe it or not, your boss wants you to be happy. A happy employee is a loyal employee, who is more prone to produce better work. And a happy employee is one who isn't forced to work day and night.
Step 2
Remember that your boss is a living, breathing person who has a pulse, and probably a family. In other words, bosses are mere mortals just like you. They too have supervisors they need to answer to, and sometimes can get overwhelmed.
If you can recognize that your boss may need help from time to time, and you have the ability to offer it, you will definitely notice an improvement in your relationship. The key is to know when to offer help. You don't want your boss thinking you're trying to muscle your way into her position, so play it smart and offer the help when you can tell she needs it most. Sometimes, the smallest gesture (or lack of it) can make a dramatic difference come performance review time.
Step 3
Just like on the Reality TV show, "Project Runway," in the workplace you're either in or you're out. In a '90s "Harvard Business Review," it was discovered that within five days of meeting, a supervisor will sort employees into two categories: those who are in and those who are out.
Needless to say, the "ins" typically receive the accolades and promotions. The "outs" will toil endlessly and remain static. If you are currently in the "outs," you need to fix the problem--fast!
Since your supervisor won't be calling to discuss the issue with you, you need to be proactive and ask to schedule a meeting with him. Talk out your issues and show why you believe you have been mislabeled. Just like when two kids duke it out on the playground, afterward, the two of you will have a new-found respect for each other.
Step 4
Don't make false promises or sugarcoat things. When your boss asks you a question, give her the facts, even when you know it's not what she wants to hear. An employee who is honest and truthful in every situation, is an employee who will not likely get fired before employees who act otherwise.
Give it to her straight; don't allow personal feelings about other employees to interfere and don't walk on glass around your boss' feelings. Your boss knows that the truth is what's best for the company, and she'll appreciate your honesty.
Step 5
Treat your boss like he has all the answers (although you may think you know more about your job than your boss, and in some cases you probably do). Many supervisors like being asked to help solve a particularly difficult dilemma. It boosts their ego to know that only they have the insight to come up with the solution. After all, that's WHY they're the boss!
Just be careful not to overdo it. If you go to your boss for help with every problem under the sun, you will begin to look like an employee who can't handle his responsibilities. Do your job and ask your boss for help with a difficult problem every once in a while. It shows that you are willing to learn and that you aren't afraid to ask for help from those who "know more" than you do.
Step 6
Provide relevant information in the format your boss can absorb best. For some, it may be via the printed page, and for others it may be through an email. Some may comprehend the information better through a face-to-face meeting. It may take some time to figure out which avenue your boss prefers her information, but once you know, be sure to use it. And don't be afraid of providing too much information. For most bosses, they can never receive too much information.
Step 7
Be proactive in your own opportunity for advancement. Take initiative and ask for more responsibility (if you can handle it). Remember, your boss doesn't want to hear false promises. But, if you can manage more responsibility or you want to take a stab at a higher profile job task, ask for it. If you can prove yourself, you'll be making great strides toward a future promotion--and you'll be showing your boss just how valuable you really are.
Step 8
Be cordial to everyone at work, share a smile and be positive. Nothing can bring a workplace atmosphere down to the ground like a negative person. Nobody wants to hear someone complain all day and nobody wants to look at your scowl all day either. A happy worker makes the workplace a happier environment- -and your boss will definitely like having you around.
Step 9
Dress for success. One way is to dress in a similar manner as your boss. If your boss wears a nicely tailored suit to each board meeting, you should do the same. It builds an instant camaraderie. Just don't try to overshadow your boss by wearing a more expensive suit or clone his look down to the socks! That will definitely work against you. Besides, those socks may have been the only clean ones he could find, and would never be caught dead in them otherwise.
Step 10
Socialize with your boss, but know your limits. You can initiate an offer by saying to your boss, "Hey, a bunch of us are going to such-and-such for lunch, care to join us?" This will tell the boss that you enjoy her company on a personal level and that you wish to include her in your inner-circle.
However, if you should come across your boss during off-work hours, it's best to keep your meeting polite, but brief. You don't want to come across as overbearing. Employees who are "too friendly" with their boss are always looked upon negatively by their coworkers and in the eyes of their boss, may appear overeager.
Step 1
Focus on getting the job done right, on schedule, and only work late when you really have to.
While you may think that by staying late into the evening you're impressing your boss, you could actually be tarnishing your image. When your boss sees you working late or hears you talking about your long hours on the job, he may begin to wonder why you can't get the job done during your regular work hours. Worse yet, he may begin looking at you as "self-serving. "
Believe it or not, your boss wants you to be happy. A happy employee is a loyal employee, who is more prone to produce better work. And a happy employee is one who isn't forced to work day and night.
Step 2
Remember that your boss is a living, breathing person who has a pulse, and probably a family. In other words, bosses are mere mortals just like you. They too have supervisors they need to answer to, and sometimes can get overwhelmed.
If you can recognize that your boss may need help from time to time, and you have the ability to offer it, you will definitely notice an improvement in your relationship. The key is to know when to offer help. You don't want your boss thinking you're trying to muscle your way into her position, so play it smart and offer the help when you can tell she needs it most. Sometimes, the smallest gesture (or lack of it) can make a dramatic difference come performance review time.
Step 3
Just like on the Reality TV show, "Project Runway," in the workplace you're either in or you're out. In a '90s "Harvard Business Review," it was discovered that within five days of meeting, a supervisor will sort employees into two categories: those who are in and those who are out.
Needless to say, the "ins" typically receive the accolades and promotions. The "outs" will toil endlessly and remain static. If you are currently in the "outs," you need to fix the problem--fast!
Since your supervisor won't be calling to discuss the issue with you, you need to be proactive and ask to schedule a meeting with him. Talk out your issues and show why you believe you have been mislabeled. Just like when two kids duke it out on the playground, afterward, the two of you will have a new-found respect for each other.
Step 4
Don't make false promises or sugarcoat things. When your boss asks you a question, give her the facts, even when you know it's not what she wants to hear. An employee who is honest and truthful in every situation, is an employee who will not likely get fired before employees who act otherwise.
Give it to her straight; don't allow personal feelings about other employees to interfere and don't walk on glass around your boss' feelings. Your boss knows that the truth is what's best for the company, and she'll appreciate your honesty.
Step 5
Treat your boss like he has all the answers (although you may think you know more about your job than your boss, and in some cases you probably do). Many supervisors like being asked to help solve a particularly difficult dilemma. It boosts their ego to know that only they have the insight to come up with the solution. After all, that's WHY they're the boss!
Just be careful not to overdo it. If you go to your boss for help with every problem under the sun, you will begin to look like an employee who can't handle his responsibilities. Do your job and ask your boss for help with a difficult problem every once in a while. It shows that you are willing to learn and that you aren't afraid to ask for help from those who "know more" than you do.
Step 6
Provide relevant information in the format your boss can absorb best. For some, it may be via the printed page, and for others it may be through an email. Some may comprehend the information better through a face-to-face meeting. It may take some time to figure out which avenue your boss prefers her information, but once you know, be sure to use it. And don't be afraid of providing too much information. For most bosses, they can never receive too much information.
Step 7
Be proactive in your own opportunity for advancement. Take initiative and ask for more responsibility (if you can handle it). Remember, your boss doesn't want to hear false promises. But, if you can manage more responsibility or you want to take a stab at a higher profile job task, ask for it. If you can prove yourself, you'll be making great strides toward a future promotion--and you'll be showing your boss just how valuable you really are.
Step 8
Be cordial to everyone at work, share a smile and be positive. Nothing can bring a workplace atmosphere down to the ground like a negative person. Nobody wants to hear someone complain all day and nobody wants to look at your scowl all day either. A happy worker makes the workplace a happier environment- -and your boss will definitely like having you around.
Step 9
Dress for success. One way is to dress in a similar manner as your boss. If your boss wears a nicely tailored suit to each board meeting, you should do the same. It builds an instant camaraderie. Just don't try to overshadow your boss by wearing a more expensive suit or clone his look down to the socks! That will definitely work against you. Besides, those socks may have been the only clean ones he could find, and would never be caught dead in them otherwise.
Step 10
Socialize with your boss, but know your limits. You can initiate an offer by saying to your boss, "Hey, a bunch of us are going to such-and-such for lunch, care to join us?" This will tell the boss that you enjoy her company on a personal level and that you wish to include her in your inner-circle.
However, if you should come across your boss during off-work hours, it's best to keep your meeting polite, but brief. You don't want to come across as overbearing. Employees who are "too friendly" with their boss are always looked upon negatively by their coworkers and in the eyes of their boss, may appear overeager.
Learn Srategies to Cope with Being Unemployed, Plus Steps to Avoid Or Treat Depression.
Losing your job can be a traumatic and unsettling event, especially in tough economic times when the prospect of finding new work seems slim. With unemployment rates rising and stories about layoffs, downsizing, and cutbacks in the news every day, the stress from losing a job may build to the point where your mental health suffers and you experience depression.
A job loss means a major change in your daily routine, losing contact with people from work, and perhaps a change in how you see yourself. For some people, losing a job may be as devastating as losing a loved one or going through a divorce, and you might even experience the same type of feelings, including anger, denial, and depression. Depression can be the result of many contributing factors that can sometimes be difficult to distinguish, but if you are unemployed and living with financial insecurity, your situation may be serious enough to bring about depression.
Research has shown that job loss may be related to depression not only because of the financial burden it brings, but also because it affects your social status, self-esteem, mental and physical activity, and the ability to use your skills. According to Luc Chabot, MEd, a psychotherapist in Montreal and founder of Relais Expert-Conseil, a firm specializing in workplace issues, how well a job loss is handled depends on many factors: age, financial situation, your ability to deal with stress, and any emotional disorders you might already have. Here are ways to help you cope, as well as what to do if you can no longer cope on your own.
8 Ideas for Coping With Job Loss and Avoiding Depression
Be Realistic. Come to terms with why you lost your job. If you need to improve your skills to find a better job, now's the perfect time to get that training.
Manage Your Money. If you have the right to certain benefits, claim them as soon as you can to avoid getting behind financially. Make a plan for you and your family to reduce daily expenses.
Create a Daily Routine. Make a schedule of what you hope to accomplish each day, so that you maintain a regular routine. Include time for your job search, as well as exercise and leisure. Plan for the next day before you go to bed at night.
Get Emotional Support. Family, friends, and support groups can help you deal with the job loss. Speaking to people — networking — may help you find a new job.
Learn How to Manage Stress. Read a book or take a workshop. Meditate, visualize, and be patient by taking one step at a time.
Set Everyday Goals For Yourself. Just going to the library or having lunch with a friend can help you build your confidence, maintain relationships, and stay healthy.
Don't Isolate Yourself. Make sure to stay busy outside of your home to avoid added emotional stress.
Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle. Limit your smoking and your alcohol and caffeine intake. A regular schedule, eating well, and exercise will keep you fit for the next job.
Getting Professional Help for Depression
If the above strategies don't help and your problems feel overwhelming, speak to your doctor about depression treatment. He or she may suggest management strategies, such as taking medication and/or talking to a mental health specialist (a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker). Here are some issues you may want to bring up at a meeting with a mental health professional:
What do you think causes stress in your life? Include long-term and short-term stressors.
How are your family and yourself affected by this stress?
Do you have support available to help get through your situation, or make a positive impact on your life?
Are there obstacles preventing you from reducing the stress?
Are you willing to make major changes to reduce the stressful situation?
Have you tried without success to resolve your situation?
Can you accept this current situation and get on with your life?
Finding a new job can be a roller-coaster ride. But remember that success doesn't happen overnight and that you are not alone in feeling blue or scared.
Chabot recommends that "you first help yourself before anyone else. Don't be afraid to ask for help and discuss your personal issues. If you [still have a job and] know that major changes are going to occur in your workplace, get ahead of the situation by meeting with a counselor or an expert as soon as you feel overwhelmed. "
A job loss means a major change in your daily routine, losing contact with people from work, and perhaps a change in how you see yourself. For some people, losing a job may be as devastating as losing a loved one or going through a divorce, and you might even experience the same type of feelings, including anger, denial, and depression. Depression can be the result of many contributing factors that can sometimes be difficult to distinguish, but if you are unemployed and living with financial insecurity, your situation may be serious enough to bring about depression.
Research has shown that job loss may be related to depression not only because of the financial burden it brings, but also because it affects your social status, self-esteem, mental and physical activity, and the ability to use your skills. According to Luc Chabot, MEd, a psychotherapist in Montreal and founder of Relais Expert-Conseil, a firm specializing in workplace issues, how well a job loss is handled depends on many factors: age, financial situation, your ability to deal with stress, and any emotional disorders you might already have. Here are ways to help you cope, as well as what to do if you can no longer cope on your own.
8 Ideas for Coping With Job Loss and Avoiding Depression
Be Realistic. Come to terms with why you lost your job. If you need to improve your skills to find a better job, now's the perfect time to get that training.
Manage Your Money. If you have the right to certain benefits, claim them as soon as you can to avoid getting behind financially. Make a plan for you and your family to reduce daily expenses.
Create a Daily Routine. Make a schedule of what you hope to accomplish each day, so that you maintain a regular routine. Include time for your job search, as well as exercise and leisure. Plan for the next day before you go to bed at night.
Get Emotional Support. Family, friends, and support groups can help you deal with the job loss. Speaking to people — networking — may help you find a new job.
Learn How to Manage Stress. Read a book or take a workshop. Meditate, visualize, and be patient by taking one step at a time.
Set Everyday Goals For Yourself. Just going to the library or having lunch with a friend can help you build your confidence, maintain relationships, and stay healthy.
Don't Isolate Yourself. Make sure to stay busy outside of your home to avoid added emotional stress.
Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle. Limit your smoking and your alcohol and caffeine intake. A regular schedule, eating well, and exercise will keep you fit for the next job.
Getting Professional Help for Depression
If the above strategies don't help and your problems feel overwhelming, speak to your doctor about depression treatment. He or she may suggest management strategies, such as taking medication and/or talking to a mental health specialist (a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker). Here are some issues you may want to bring up at a meeting with a mental health professional:
What do you think causes stress in your life? Include long-term and short-term stressors.
How are your family and yourself affected by this stress?
Do you have support available to help get through your situation, or make a positive impact on your life?
Are there obstacles preventing you from reducing the stress?
Are you willing to make major changes to reduce the stressful situation?
Have you tried without success to resolve your situation?
Can you accept this current situation and get on with your life?
Finding a new job can be a roller-coaster ride. But remember that success doesn't happen overnight and that you are not alone in feeling blue or scared.
Chabot recommends that "you first help yourself before anyone else. Don't be afraid to ask for help and discuss your personal issues. If you [still have a job and] know that major changes are going to occur in your workplace, get ahead of the situation by meeting with a counselor or an expert as soon as you feel overwhelmed. "
Sparks of Purity
Words! They are all around me! I see them. I use them. Harsh words, soothing words, biting words; words that give pain and sorrow; words that give joy and pleasure. They are vital to communication. When words are spoken there are reactions, negative or positive. Either thoughts are triggered or emotions fired or actions performed. Words colour our behaviour. And how lovely it is to hear words that are calm and free from rancour and aggression. To hear words that lift the soul and leave it with renewed vigour. Such words are the sparks of purity. It is important to remember that my speech indicates what is in my mind. As the thinking, so the words uttered. Mental calmness makes my words calm. A pure mind makes for pure words. It is said that speech may exalt someone to kingship or send him to the gallows. I should never let myself indulge in false, bitter and vicious speech. My words should reflect my true, inner nature, that of purity and peace. Words, once spoken, can never be recalled. They reverberate all around, beyond our control. Today, as I utter words, what effect will they have on those who hear them? Will they be the words that are poisonous and cause pain? Or will my tongue be like that of the nightingale, sweet and so, so very soothing and lovely to the ear?
No matter what you may be doing you are always free to whisper your love to God, until you consciously receive His response. This is the surest way to contact Him in the mad rush of present-day life.
"Confidence doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a result of something, hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication."Roger Staubach
No matter what you may be doing you are always free to whisper your love to God, until you consciously receive His response. This is the surest way to contact Him in the mad rush of present-day life.
"Confidence doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a result of something, hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication."Roger Staubach
The Package
A married lady was expecting a birthday gift from her husband. For many months she had admired a beautiful diamond ring in a showroom, and knowing her husband could afford it, she told him that was all she wanted.
As her birthday approached, this lady awaited signs that her husband had purchased the diamond ring.Finally, on the morning of her birthday, her husband called her into his study room. Her husband told her how proud he was to have such a good wife, and told her how much he loved her. He handed her a beautiful wrapped gift box.
Curious, the wife opened the box and found a lovely,leather- bound Bible, with the wife's name embossed in gold. & Angrily, she raised her voice to her husband and said, "With all your money you give me a Bible? and stormed out of the house, leaving her husband.
Many years passed and the married lady was very successful in business.!She managed to settle for a more beautiful house and a wonderful family, but realized her ex-husband was very old, and thought perhaps she should go to visit him.She had not seen him for many years.
But before she could make arrangements, she received a telegram telling her that her ex-husband had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to her. She needed to come back immediately and take care of things.
When she arrived at her ex-husband's house, sudden sadness and regret filled her heart. She began to search through her ex-husband's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as she had left it years ago With tears, she opened the Bible and began to turn the pages.
Her ex-husband had carefully underlined a verse, Matthew 7:11, "And if you, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children,how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him? As she read those words, a tiny package dropped from the back of the Bible.
It had a diamond ring with her name engraved on it, the same diamond ring which she saw at the showroom. On the tag was the date of her birth, and the words...'LUV U ALWAYS'...
How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
I trust you enjoyed this. Pass it on to others.
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you do not have; but remember that what you now have, was once among the things you only hoped for.
IF YOUR GIFT IS NOT PACKAGED THE WAY YOU WANT IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS BETTER PACKAGED THE WAY IT IS!
ALWAYS APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS; THEY USUALLY LEAD YOU TO BIGGER THINGS
As her birthday approached, this lady awaited signs that her husband had purchased the diamond ring.Finally, on the morning of her birthday, her husband called her into his study room. Her husband told her how proud he was to have such a good wife, and told her how much he loved her. He handed her a beautiful wrapped gift box.
Curious, the wife opened the box and found a lovely,leather- bound Bible, with the wife's name embossed in gold. & Angrily, she raised her voice to her husband and said, "With all your money you give me a Bible? and stormed out of the house, leaving her husband.
Many years passed and the married lady was very successful in business.!She managed to settle for a more beautiful house and a wonderful family, but realized her ex-husband was very old, and thought perhaps she should go to visit him.She had not seen him for many years.
But before she could make arrangements, she received a telegram telling her that her ex-husband had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to her. She needed to come back immediately and take care of things.
When she arrived at her ex-husband's house, sudden sadness and regret filled her heart. She began to search through her ex-husband's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as she had left it years ago With tears, she opened the Bible and began to turn the pages.
Her ex-husband had carefully underlined a verse, Matthew 7:11, "And if you, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children,how much more shall your Heavenly Father which is in heaven, give to those who ask Him? As she read those words, a tiny package dropped from the back of the Bible.
It had a diamond ring with her name engraved on it, the same diamond ring which she saw at the showroom. On the tag was the date of her birth, and the words...'LUV U ALWAYS'...
How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packaged as we expected?
I trust you enjoyed this. Pass it on to others.
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you do not have; but remember that what you now have, was once among the things you only hoped for.
IF YOUR GIFT IS NOT PACKAGED THE WAY YOU WANT IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS BETTER PACKAGED THE WAY IT IS!
ALWAYS APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS; THEY USUALLY LEAD YOU TO BIGGER THINGS
How To Write An Objective For Resume
When you are crafting your resume, you need to know how to write an objective for the resume. An objective is basically what you are hoping to achieve in the job or career field that you want to get into. It says why you got into this field, why you are so passionate about it, and what you can do for the company or the career area.
Some people feel like there is no need to include an objective on your resume. However, it can be helpful in showing your passion for your career field and can let a potential employer know why you are passionate about the job in the first place. Either way, knowing how to write an objective for your resume is a very important part of the job seeking process.
The first part you should know about in learning how to write an objective for a resume is that you must use words that are always positive but not too flowery. Speak from your heart and avoid using any euphemisms of any kind and be sure that your objective sounds very professional. It should state why you got into the field in the first place and why you want to continue in the same field.
On the other hand, if you are switching careers, your objective statement should say why you wanted to get into another field and what makes you so excited to do so. You should state what you are hoping to accomplish in this new career and why you know you can accomplish it!
When writing your objective statement, you should be brief. This is a sentence or two about why you want a job in this career field. It should show a potential employer why he or she should hire you even if you do not have a lot of experience in the field you are applying for.
Knowing how to write an objective for a resume is an important part of "putting your best foot forward" so that the person who is reading your resume wants to read the rest of it. It is kind of like when you begin a new novel. The first line is so important, it has to hook the reader and make them want to read on. The same applies to your objective statement on your resume. You should make your potential employer want to read more about you based on your objective statement.
Some people feel like there is no need to include an objective on your resume. However, it can be helpful in showing your passion for your career field and can let a potential employer know why you are passionate about the job in the first place. Either way, knowing how to write an objective for your resume is a very important part of the job seeking process.
The first part you should know about in learning how to write an objective for a resume is that you must use words that are always positive but not too flowery. Speak from your heart and avoid using any euphemisms of any kind and be sure that your objective sounds very professional. It should state why you got into the field in the first place and why you want to continue in the same field.
On the other hand, if you are switching careers, your objective statement should say why you wanted to get into another field and what makes you so excited to do so. You should state what you are hoping to accomplish in this new career and why you know you can accomplish it!
When writing your objective statement, you should be brief. This is a sentence or two about why you want a job in this career field. It should show a potential employer why he or she should hire you even if you do not have a lot of experience in the field you are applying for.
Knowing how to write an objective for a resume is an important part of "putting your best foot forward" so that the person who is reading your resume wants to read the rest of it. It is kind of like when you begin a new novel. The first line is so important, it has to hook the reader and make them want to read on. The same applies to your objective statement on your resume. You should make your potential employer want to read more about you based on your objective statement.
Tips for workplace relationships
Relationships with your co-workers demand a strong sense of balance. In many ways, they are less flexible than friendships and romances. When something isn't working, walking away isn't always a valid option, and emotional outbursts are hardly advisable. In fact, your relationships with your boss, co-workers and subordinates are probably most like those with your family members - you may not always get along, but you can't really avoid them. And just like in the world outside the workplace, it's usually your communication style that makes the difference between putting up with the people you work around versus building relationships that work for you.
Respect authority
Okay, so you need to respect your boss, but remember to stick to your guns. When your boss disagrees with you, what they say is generally what goes - even if it's wrong. If you're in a position to modestly point out the virtues of doing things your way, do so, but that doesn't mean you have to do a 180 if the boss says "no." When they turn the schedule upside down, or suggest a potentially disastrous rewrite to that memo, calmly assent to the changes without making an about-face on your own opinion.
That way, you manage to avoid playing the "yes-man or yes-ma'am" game. And if for some reason your boss's way wasn't the best way, you're not stuck backing a plan you weren't really behind. Communication choices are also essential. When the boss issues a questionable directive, avoid responses like "Okay, but this will never work" and "You're right. That's a much better plan that mine." Instead, try responses that are agreeable, but not necessarily in agreement like, "Alright, we can try that" or "That's another way to go."
Treat coworkers with respect
You can get along with others and still respect your own authority. Speak to your subordinates as you would any other coworker, but expect cooperation. Requests are almost always more effective than demands. You'd be surprised how much more respect "please" and "thank you" attracts versus, "Do I have to do everything?" Abusing authority sends the message that you don't actually have it - or are uncomfortable managing it. Also, displays of temper are very counter-productive.
People are more productive, and generally more cooperative, when treated with respect. They are also more comfortable communicating their ideas, which may prove valuable to you in the long run. On the other hand, if you're reasonable and courteously worded requests are disregarded, don't let it slide. Make sure to have a discussion with your subordinate - while maintaining courtesy - about their lack of cooperation or insubordination the first time it occurs. Try asking what you can do to facilitate the task, or why they are having a difficult time. This way you maintain authority without becoming unnecessarily argumentative. You've also managed to put the ball in their court, so that further problems can merit stronger action.
Be friendly and get back to work
In the workplace, your coworkers probably comprise the majority of your human contact. Friendships will naturally develop and bleed into your social life, which is healthy. Having appropriate personal, as well as professional, relationships at work can make work both more productive and more enjoyable. However, it is important that the roles you play after hours remain outside of work. You may be able to gush for hours over drinks, but avoid bringing your personal lives back into the office.
And as comfortable as you are letting loose sometimes, don't forget to respect boundaries once you re-don your professional roles. As long as your social circle can survive the fluctuations between casual and work environments, it can enrich your work, as well as your life. Also, remember that it's a lot easier to censor information before you share it than after. As tempting as it can be to unload your grievances about the establishment with your coworkers, your vent session may be more appropriately (and confidentially) shared with your non-work friends.
Of course, at some point or another most of us will struggle with coworkers with whom we are less than friendly. Again, you probably don't have the luxury of avoiding them, so try to view them as a challenge to your professionalism. Imagine your coworkers as utilities with strengths and weaknesses you must navigate. A person may be a dreadful multitasker, but perhaps that is offset by their attention to detail. Or maybe they have problems expressing requests respectfully, but can always be counted on to manage a difficult customer. It can be challenging, but concentrating on their strengths and weaknesses, rather than your personal differences, can help you maintain the distance you need for your professional relationships to thrive.
Respect authority
Okay, so you need to respect your boss, but remember to stick to your guns. When your boss disagrees with you, what they say is generally what goes - even if it's wrong. If you're in a position to modestly point out the virtues of doing things your way, do so, but that doesn't mean you have to do a 180 if the boss says "no." When they turn the schedule upside down, or suggest a potentially disastrous rewrite to that memo, calmly assent to the changes without making an about-face on your own opinion.
That way, you manage to avoid playing the "yes-man or yes-ma'am" game. And if for some reason your boss's way wasn't the best way, you're not stuck backing a plan you weren't really behind. Communication choices are also essential. When the boss issues a questionable directive, avoid responses like "Okay, but this will never work" and "You're right. That's a much better plan that mine." Instead, try responses that are agreeable, but not necessarily in agreement like, "Alright, we can try that" or "That's another way to go."
Treat coworkers with respect
You can get along with others and still respect your own authority. Speak to your subordinates as you would any other coworker, but expect cooperation. Requests are almost always more effective than demands. You'd be surprised how much more respect "please" and "thank you" attracts versus, "Do I have to do everything?" Abusing authority sends the message that you don't actually have it - or are uncomfortable managing it. Also, displays of temper are very counter-productive.
People are more productive, and generally more cooperative, when treated with respect. They are also more comfortable communicating their ideas, which may prove valuable to you in the long run. On the other hand, if you're reasonable and courteously worded requests are disregarded, don't let it slide. Make sure to have a discussion with your subordinate - while maintaining courtesy - about their lack of cooperation or insubordination the first time it occurs. Try asking what you can do to facilitate the task, or why they are having a difficult time. This way you maintain authority without becoming unnecessarily argumentative. You've also managed to put the ball in their court, so that further problems can merit stronger action.
Be friendly and get back to work
In the workplace, your coworkers probably comprise the majority of your human contact. Friendships will naturally develop and bleed into your social life, which is healthy. Having appropriate personal, as well as professional, relationships at work can make work both more productive and more enjoyable. However, it is important that the roles you play after hours remain outside of work. You may be able to gush for hours over drinks, but avoid bringing your personal lives back into the office.
And as comfortable as you are letting loose sometimes, don't forget to respect boundaries once you re-don your professional roles. As long as your social circle can survive the fluctuations between casual and work environments, it can enrich your work, as well as your life. Also, remember that it's a lot easier to censor information before you share it than after. As tempting as it can be to unload your grievances about the establishment with your coworkers, your vent session may be more appropriately (and confidentially) shared with your non-work friends.
Of course, at some point or another most of us will struggle with coworkers with whom we are less than friendly. Again, you probably don't have the luxury of avoiding them, so try to view them as a challenge to your professionalism. Imagine your coworkers as utilities with strengths and weaknesses you must navigate. A person may be a dreadful multitasker, but perhaps that is offset by their attention to detail. Or maybe they have problems expressing requests respectfully, but can always be counted on to manage a difficult customer. It can be challenging, but concentrating on their strengths and weaknesses, rather than your personal differences, can help you maintain the distance you need for your professional relationships to thrive.
The one who is responsible is the one who constantly has good wishes.
To be responsible means to recognise the importance of one's own role. That means there is the understanding that others' transformation is dependent on one's own transformation. When there is the recognition of one's responsibility, there is naturally alertness. This alertness brings good wishes for even the ones who are not being positive.
When I am able to maintain good feelings for all those I come into contact with me, I find my relations gradually improving. I also find that I am ready to take up the challenge of changing myself before I can think of changing others. Due to this, others continue to take inspiration from me and bring about a change in themselves too.
When I am able to maintain good feelings for all those I come into contact with me, I find my relations gradually improving. I also find that I am ready to take up the challenge of changing myself before I can think of changing others. Due to this, others continue to take inspiration from me and bring about a change in themselves too.
SWEET DREAMS - SWEEP DREAMS
“Removal of ignorance is like this, Oh Arjuna, if dream and sleep disappear, you are yourself. It is like that” –Sri Sai Satcharitra, Ch. XXXIX, L.
A poor man and his wife remained childless for several years after their marriage. At last, a son was born to them, and their joy knew no bounds. He was truly the apple of their eyes.
All of a sudden, the boy fell seriously ill. The parents did everything they could to treat him and cure him. Every last penny they had, was spent on him – but to no avail. His illness could not even be diagnosed, and the child died.
The mother was overwrought with grief. She wept and wailed in profound misery. The father, however, remained calm.
“How can you be so indifferent?” wept his wife. “Don’t you feel miserable at the loss of our only child?”
“Last night, I had dream,” her husband replied. “I dreamt that I was a king, and a proud father of five handsome princes – wise, well-behaved, bright. All the five were killed on the same day in a war, as they tried to save their country.”
The poor man asked his wife gently, “Tell me, for I am puzzled. Should I grieve over the death of my princes whom I lost in my dream, or for the one I have lost here, in this life?”
How true it is that this life is a dream. Only a few blessed ones who realize the Truth awake from this dream.
A poor man and his wife remained childless for several years after their marriage. At last, a son was born to them, and their joy knew no bounds. He was truly the apple of their eyes.
All of a sudden, the boy fell seriously ill. The parents did everything they could to treat him and cure him. Every last penny they had, was spent on him – but to no avail. His illness could not even be diagnosed, and the child died.
The mother was overwrought with grief. She wept and wailed in profound misery. The father, however, remained calm.
“How can you be so indifferent?” wept his wife. “Don’t you feel miserable at the loss of our only child?”
“Last night, I had dream,” her husband replied. “I dreamt that I was a king, and a proud father of five handsome princes – wise, well-behaved, bright. All the five were killed on the same day in a war, as they tried to save their country.”
The poor man asked his wife gently, “Tell me, for I am puzzled. Should I grieve over the death of my princes whom I lost in my dream, or for the one I have lost here, in this life?”
How true it is that this life is a dream. Only a few blessed ones who realize the Truth awake from this dream.
Tolerance
Everybody is right from their own stand point ... hence the need for tolerance.
When God does not respond to your prayers, it is because you are not in earnest. If you offer Him dry imitation prayers, you cannot expect to claim the Heavenly Father's attention. The only way to reach God through prayer is by persistence, regularity, and depth of earnestness. Cleanse your mind of all negation, such as fear, worry, anger; then fill it with thoughts of love, service, and joyous expectation. In the sanctum of your heart there must be enshrined one power, one joy, one peace -- God
"A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug."
When God does not respond to your prayers, it is because you are not in earnest. If you offer Him dry imitation prayers, you cannot expect to claim the Heavenly Father's attention. The only way to reach God through prayer is by persistence, regularity, and depth of earnestness. Cleanse your mind of all negation, such as fear, worry, anger; then fill it with thoughts of love, service, and joyous expectation. In the sanctum of your heart there must be enshrined one power, one joy, one peace -- God
"A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug."
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Five Barriers to Change
Familiarize Yourself With these Five Common Barriers to Change So You Can Stay On Track:
1. Ownership: It’s easier to pass the buck than to stand up as a leader and take over responsibilities that may not even be yours.
2. Time: Change always takes longer than estimated. Add 50 percent to 100 percent more time to your expectations.
3. Difficulty: When a task appears to be easy, you may set yourself up for disappointment and frustration if you miscalculate the time required to complete it. Anticipate troubles, and give yourself credit for small victories.
4. Distractions: When the going gets tough, as it will, it’s easy to be distracted by competing goals, other interests and priorities. Anticipate how easily you can become distracted; you’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to regain your focus.
5. Maintenance: Once you expend all of the effort needed to achieve a change goal, be willing to face reality. It takes time for the new to become habitual. Give up too soon, and you’re back to square one. Maintenance requires vigilance and perseverance— more than you may think.
Thanks to Coach John G. Agno
1. Ownership: It’s easier to pass the buck than to stand up as a leader and take over responsibilities that may not even be yours.
2. Time: Change always takes longer than estimated. Add 50 percent to 100 percent more time to your expectations.
3. Difficulty: When a task appears to be easy, you may set yourself up for disappointment and frustration if you miscalculate the time required to complete it. Anticipate troubles, and give yourself credit for small victories.
4. Distractions: When the going gets tough, as it will, it’s easy to be distracted by competing goals, other interests and priorities. Anticipate how easily you can become distracted; you’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to regain your focus.
5. Maintenance: Once you expend all of the effort needed to achieve a change goal, be willing to face reality. It takes time for the new to become habitual. Give up too soon, and you’re back to square one. Maintenance requires vigilance and perseverance— more than you may think.
Thanks to Coach John G. Agno
A Pleasant Day
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something, For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge, Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes.They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, Because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, And they can become your blessings.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something, For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge, Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes.They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, Because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, And they can become your blessings.
Workplace Learning - Types Of Anxiety
The young man Shin Dong Hyuk was born and raised in a North Korean prison camp. When he was 14, his mother and brother tried to escape. They failed, and so Shin was forced to watch their executions. His mother was publicly hanged, while his brother was shot nine times. Shin’s indoctrination was such that he felt no pity for them whatsoever.
World-renowned psychologist, Edgar Schein, discovered that there are two types of anxiety associated with learning and development: Learning Anxiety and Survival Anxiety.
Learning Anxiety is when people are too afraid to learn something new. They’re scared it might be too difficult; they’re fearful it’ll fail; and they’re worried they’ll be perceived as a traitor by the groups in which they belong. Shin was suffering from extreme learning anxiety because of the total control that the North Korean regime exerted over his whole life. That’s why he reacted so callously to his family’s executions. To change was unfathomable.
Survival Anxiety is when people finally realize that, in order to make it, they have no choice but to change. By the time he was 22, Shin became the only person to ever escape from that prison camp. He’d made the decision to get out when a new inmate shared stories of what the outside world was like. Together, they ran off, and even though his mate became stuck in the electrified fence and died, Shin was able to jump over and defected to the South.
Behavioral change occurs when survival anxiety is greater than learning anxiety. There are two ways you can do this. You can increase your employees’ survival anxiety, which includes threats and intimidation to get staff to do what you want. Or the second option is to decrease their level of learning anxiety, which is the creation of a safe learning environment.
It’s difficult to get rid of learning anxiety entirely, but here's how you can reduce it:
Credibility: The facilitator needs to be someone believable and trustworthy.
Positive Incentives: Benefits of the training need to be articulated and understood.
Group Support: People are more comfortable learning with their peers.
Follow-up: Training is not enough, so include coaching and other reinforcement.
Method: The training should be tailored to suit every learning style, and just as importantly, the major ‘attention styles’. The two are very different.
Many people are reluctant learners. They attend training not because they want to, but because they have to. By reducing their learning anxiety, you give employees one less reason to escape.
Thanks to James Adonis
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Did You Know
Almost 75 percent of new graduates say that training and development is the most important factor for them when choosing a new employer. 68 percent even say they'd happily accept less money if it meant they'd get more training.
Source: TMP Worldwide
Thanks to James Adonis
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Quote
"Learning is a lifetime process, but there comes a time when we must stop adding and start updating." ~~~ Robert Brault
Thanks to James Adonis
World-renowned psychologist, Edgar Schein, discovered that there are two types of anxiety associated with learning and development: Learning Anxiety and Survival Anxiety.
Learning Anxiety is when people are too afraid to learn something new. They’re scared it might be too difficult; they’re fearful it’ll fail; and they’re worried they’ll be perceived as a traitor by the groups in which they belong. Shin was suffering from extreme learning anxiety because of the total control that the North Korean regime exerted over his whole life. That’s why he reacted so callously to his family’s executions. To change was unfathomable.
Survival Anxiety is when people finally realize that, in order to make it, they have no choice but to change. By the time he was 22, Shin became the only person to ever escape from that prison camp. He’d made the decision to get out when a new inmate shared stories of what the outside world was like. Together, they ran off, and even though his mate became stuck in the electrified fence and died, Shin was able to jump over and defected to the South.
Behavioral change occurs when survival anxiety is greater than learning anxiety. There are two ways you can do this. You can increase your employees’ survival anxiety, which includes threats and intimidation to get staff to do what you want. Or the second option is to decrease their level of learning anxiety, which is the creation of a safe learning environment.
It’s difficult to get rid of learning anxiety entirely, but here's how you can reduce it:
Credibility: The facilitator needs to be someone believable and trustworthy.
Positive Incentives: Benefits of the training need to be articulated and understood.
Group Support: People are more comfortable learning with their peers.
Follow-up: Training is not enough, so include coaching and other reinforcement.
Method: The training should be tailored to suit every learning style, and just as importantly, the major ‘attention styles’. The two are very different.
Many people are reluctant learners. They attend training not because they want to, but because they have to. By reducing their learning anxiety, you give employees one less reason to escape.
Thanks to James Adonis
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Did You Know
Almost 75 percent of new graduates say that training and development is the most important factor for them when choosing a new employer. 68 percent even say they'd happily accept less money if it meant they'd get more training.
Source: TMP Worldwide
Thanks to James Adonis
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Quote
"Learning is a lifetime process, but there comes a time when we must stop adding and start updating." ~~~ Robert Brault
Thanks to James Adonis
Leadership: The Basis for Management by William P. Fisher Ph.D.
Leadership: The Basis for Management
by William P. Fisher Ph.D.
We all like to think we have some leadership qualities and strive to develop them. We look at leaders in all walks of life seeking to identify which qualities, traits and skills they possess so we can emulate them. A fundamental question remains "What is the essence of leadership that results in successful management, as opposed to failed management?" At least part of the answer can be found within the word itself.
1. Loyalty
Leadership starts with a loyalty quadrant: loyalty to one's organization and its mission; loyalty to organizational superiors; loyalty to subordinates and loyalty to oneself. Loyalty is multi-directional, running upwards and downwards in the organization. When everyone practices it, "loyalty bonds" occur which drive high morale. Loyalty to oneself is based on maintaining a sound body, mind and spirit so one is always "riding the top of the wave" in service to others.
2. Excellence
Leaders know that excellence is a value, not an object. They strive for both excellence and success. Excellence is the measurement you make of yourself in assessing what you do and how well you do it. Success is an external perception that others have of you.
3. Assertiveness
Leaders possess a mental and physical intensity that causes them to seek control, take command, assume the mantle of responsibility and focus on the objective(s) . Leaders do not evidence self-doubt as they are comfortable within themselves that what they are doing is right which, in turn, gives them the courage to take action.
4. Dedication
Leaders are dedicated in mind, body and spirit to their organization and to achievement. They are action-oriented, not passive, and prefer purposeful activity to the status quo. They possess an aura or charisma that sets them apart from others with whom they interact,
always working in the best interests of their organization.
5. Enthusiasm
Leaders are their own best cheerleaders on behalf of their organization and their people. They exude enthusiasm and instill it in others to the point of contagion. Their style may be one of poise, stability, clear vision and articulate speech, but their bristling enthusiasm underscores their every waking moment.
6. Risk Management
Leaders realize that risk taking is part of their management perch. They manage risk rather than letting it manage them, knowing full well there are no guaranteed outcomes, no foregone conclusions, no pre-ordained results when one is dealing with the future. Nonetheless, they measure risk, adapt to it, control it and surmount it.
7. Strength
Leaders possess an inner fiber of stamina, fortitude and vibrancy that gives them a mental toughness, causing them to withstand interruption, crises and unforeseen circumstances that would slow down or immobilize most people. Leaders become all the more energized in the face of surprises.
8. Honor
Leaders understand they will leave a legacy, be it good, bad or indifferent. True leaders recognize that all their relationships and actions are based on the highest standards of honor and integrity. They do the right things correctly, shun short-term improper expediency and set the example for others with high-mindedness, professional bearing and unassailable character.
9. Inspiration
Leaders don't exist without followers. People will follow leaders who inspire them to reach beyond the normal and ordinary to new levels of accomplishment, new heights of well-being and new platforms for individual, organizational and societal good. Inspiration is what
distinguishes a leader from a mere position holder, as the leader can touch the heart, mind and soul of others.
10.Performance
At the end of the day, leader/managers rise or fall on the most critical of all measurements - their performance. Results come first, but the way in which results are achieved is also crucial to sustaining a leader's role. Many "dictators" don't last despite results and many "charismatics" don't last despite personal charm.
Putting the ten elements together spell LEADERSHIP! Always remember, if you want to develop a leadership quality act as though you already possess it!
[About the Author: William P. Fisher, Ph.D., a member of Cayuga Hospitality Advisors, is the Darden Chair in the Rosen College of Hospitality Management at the University of Central Florida in Orlando.]
by William P. Fisher Ph.D.
We all like to think we have some leadership qualities and strive to develop them. We look at leaders in all walks of life seeking to identify which qualities, traits and skills they possess so we can emulate them. A fundamental question remains "What is the essence of leadership that results in successful management, as opposed to failed management?" At least part of the answer can be found within the word itself.
1. Loyalty
Leadership starts with a loyalty quadrant: loyalty to one's organization and its mission; loyalty to organizational superiors; loyalty to subordinates and loyalty to oneself. Loyalty is multi-directional, running upwards and downwards in the organization. When everyone practices it, "loyalty bonds" occur which drive high morale. Loyalty to oneself is based on maintaining a sound body, mind and spirit so one is always "riding the top of the wave" in service to others.
2. Excellence
Leaders know that excellence is a value, not an object. They strive for both excellence and success. Excellence is the measurement you make of yourself in assessing what you do and how well you do it. Success is an external perception that others have of you.
3. Assertiveness
Leaders possess a mental and physical intensity that causes them to seek control, take command, assume the mantle of responsibility and focus on the objective(s) . Leaders do not evidence self-doubt as they are comfortable within themselves that what they are doing is right which, in turn, gives them the courage to take action.
4. Dedication
Leaders are dedicated in mind, body and spirit to their organization and to achievement. They are action-oriented, not passive, and prefer purposeful activity to the status quo. They possess an aura or charisma that sets them apart from others with whom they interact,
always working in the best interests of their organization.
5. Enthusiasm
Leaders are their own best cheerleaders on behalf of their organization and their people. They exude enthusiasm and instill it in others to the point of contagion. Their style may be one of poise, stability, clear vision and articulate speech, but their bristling enthusiasm underscores their every waking moment.
6. Risk Management
Leaders realize that risk taking is part of their management perch. They manage risk rather than letting it manage them, knowing full well there are no guaranteed outcomes, no foregone conclusions, no pre-ordained results when one is dealing with the future. Nonetheless, they measure risk, adapt to it, control it and surmount it.
7. Strength
Leaders possess an inner fiber of stamina, fortitude and vibrancy that gives them a mental toughness, causing them to withstand interruption, crises and unforeseen circumstances that would slow down or immobilize most people. Leaders become all the more energized in the face of surprises.
8. Honor
Leaders understand they will leave a legacy, be it good, bad or indifferent. True leaders recognize that all their relationships and actions are based on the highest standards of honor and integrity. They do the right things correctly, shun short-term improper expediency and set the example for others with high-mindedness, professional bearing and unassailable character.
9. Inspiration
Leaders don't exist without followers. People will follow leaders who inspire them to reach beyond the normal and ordinary to new levels of accomplishment, new heights of well-being and new platforms for individual, organizational and societal good. Inspiration is what
distinguishes a leader from a mere position holder, as the leader can touch the heart, mind and soul of others.
10.Performance
At the end of the day, leader/managers rise or fall on the most critical of all measurements - their performance. Results come first, but the way in which results are achieved is also crucial to sustaining a leader's role. Many "dictators" don't last despite results and many "charismatics" don't last despite personal charm.
Putting the ten elements together spell LEADERSHIP! Always remember, if you want to develop a leadership quality act as though you already possess it!
[About the Author: William P. Fisher, Ph.D., a member of Cayuga Hospitality Advisors, is the Darden Chair in the Rosen College of Hospitality Management at the University of Central Florida in Orlando.]
Monday, September 28, 2009
Do not ask GOD, Why me?
ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!
Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
>From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
"The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis,
500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,
when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'.
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' "
"Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude Keeps you going...
Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
>From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
"The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis,
500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,
when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'.
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' "
"Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude Keeps you going...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
How to Have a Great Conversation with Anyone
How to Have a Great Conversation with Anyone
The art of conversation takes practice, and is not as hard as you might think. It will take some knowledge, practice, and patience, and you can learn to relax and enjoy a great conversation.
With these tips you will be well on your way to having a good, meaningful and entertaining conversation with anyone!
Make a good first impression.
Smile, ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer, and really listen. Maintain eye contact and keep as friendly and polite as possible.
Listen.
This is the most important part of any conversation. You might think a conversation is all about talking, but it will not go anywhere if the listener is too busy thinking of something to say next. Pay attention to what is being said. When you talk to the other person, injecting a thought or two, they will often not realize that it was they who did most of the talking, and you get the credit for being a good conversationalist - which of course, you are!
Find out what the other person is interested in.
You can even do some research in advance when you know you will have an opportunity to talk with a specific person. Complimenting them is a great place to start. Everyone likes sincere compliments, and that can be a great ice-breaker.
Ask questions.
What do they like to do? What sort of things have they done in their life? What is happening to them now? What did they do today or last weekend? Identify things about them that you might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask questions. Remember, there was a reason that you wanted to talk to them, so obviously there was something about them that you found interesting.
Forget yourself.
Dale Carnegie once said, “It’s much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you.” If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what you look like, or what the other person might be thinking, you will never be able to relax. Introduce yourself, shake hands, then forget yourself and focus on them instead.
Practice active listening skills.
Part of listening is letting the other person know that you are listening. Make eye contact. Nod. Say “Yes,” “I see,” “That’s interesting,” or something similar to give them clues that you are paying attention and not thinking about something else - such as what you are going to say next.
Ask clarifying questions.
If the topic seems to be one they are interested in, ask them to clarify what they think or feel about it. If they are talking about an occupation or activity you do not understand, take the opportunity to learn from them. Everyone loves having a chance to teach another willing and interested person about their hobby or subject of expertise.
Paraphrase back what you have heard, using your own words.
This seems like an easy skill to learn, but takes some practice to master. Conversation happens in turns, each person taking a turn to listen and a turn to speak or to respond. It shows respect for the other person when you use your “speaking turn” to show you have been listening and not just to say something new. They then have a chance to correct your understanding, affirm it, or embellish on it.
Consider your response before disagreeing.
If the point was not important, ignore it rather than risk appearing argumentative. If you consider it important then politely point out your difference of opinion. Do not disagree merely to set yourself apart, but remember these points:
It is the differences in people–and their conversation–that make them interesting.
Agreeing with everything can kill a conversation just as easily as disagreeing with everything.
A person is interesting when they are different from you; a person is obnoxious when they can not agree with anything you say, or if they use the point to make themselves appear superior.
Try to omit the word “but” from your conversation when disagreeing as this word often puts people on the defensive. Instead, try substituting the word “and”, it has less of an antagonistic effect.
Consider playing devil’s advocate - which requires care.
If your conversation partner makes a point, you can keep the conversation going by bringing up the opposite point of view (introduce it with something like “I agree, and…”). If you overuse this technique, however, you could end up appearing disagreeable or even hostile.
Do not panic over lulls.
This is a point where you could easily inject your thoughts into the discussion. If the topic seems to have run out, use the pause to think for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask them. Did something they said remind you of something else you have heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question or topic in your mind? Mention it and you’ll transition smoothly into further conversation!
Know when the conversation is over.
Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. Shake hands with the other person and be sure to tell them you enjoyed talking with them. Ending on a positive note will leave a good impression and likely bring them back later for more!
Warnings
Choose carefully when asking personal questions. You do not want to venture into overly personal issues. Even if the other person might be willing to talk about it, you may end up learning things that you really do not want to know. You certainly do not want the other person to think afterward that you coerced them into revealing personal information.
Be sincere! Compliments are great, but too much flattery is obvious and will reveal you as being insincere.
Beware of topics that can be inflammatory - such as religion and politics - and don’t venture into them unless you know the person has roughly the same convictions as you, or the circumstances otherwise allow for pleasant discussion. Again, it’s fine to disagree and can be nice to talk about differences, but it can also be a quick step toward an argument.
Try not to argue! You do not have to agree with everything someone says, but you do not have to tell them all about how you disagree. If you feel the need to explain an opposing viewpoint, express it simply and without putting the other person on the defensive. It is better to simply change the subject in a casual conversation than to get involved in an argument.
Try not to nod or respond with “Yes” and “I see” so much. It might make the person think you are bored and sometimes it may seem like you are rushing them along. Never say anything hurtful or offensive to the other person, this may project a bad feeling between you.
If it is a planned conversation, try listening to the news in case you run out of thing to say, it is always a good solution.
Also try not to cut the person off mid-sentence. It seems disrespectful and it makes it seem like what you have to say is more important than what the other person has to say. Let the person finish their thoughts and then continue on with thoughts of your own.
The art of conversation takes practice, and is not as hard as you might think. It will take some knowledge, practice, and patience, and you can learn to relax and enjoy a great conversation.
With these tips you will be well on your way to having a good, meaningful and entertaining conversation with anyone!
Make a good first impression.
Smile, ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer, and really listen. Maintain eye contact and keep as friendly and polite as possible.
Listen.
This is the most important part of any conversation. You might think a conversation is all about talking, but it will not go anywhere if the listener is too busy thinking of something to say next. Pay attention to what is being said. When you talk to the other person, injecting a thought or two, they will often not realize that it was they who did most of the talking, and you get the credit for being a good conversationalist - which of course, you are!
Find out what the other person is interested in.
You can even do some research in advance when you know you will have an opportunity to talk with a specific person. Complimenting them is a great place to start. Everyone likes sincere compliments, and that can be a great ice-breaker.
Ask questions.
What do they like to do? What sort of things have they done in their life? What is happening to them now? What did they do today or last weekend? Identify things about them that you might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask questions. Remember, there was a reason that you wanted to talk to them, so obviously there was something about them that you found interesting.
Forget yourself.
Dale Carnegie once said, “It’s much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you.” If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what you look like, or what the other person might be thinking, you will never be able to relax. Introduce yourself, shake hands, then forget yourself and focus on them instead.
Practice active listening skills.
Part of listening is letting the other person know that you are listening. Make eye contact. Nod. Say “Yes,” “I see,” “That’s interesting,” or something similar to give them clues that you are paying attention and not thinking about something else - such as what you are going to say next.
Ask clarifying questions.
If the topic seems to be one they are interested in, ask them to clarify what they think or feel about it. If they are talking about an occupation or activity you do not understand, take the opportunity to learn from them. Everyone loves having a chance to teach another willing and interested person about their hobby or subject of expertise.
Paraphrase back what you have heard, using your own words.
This seems like an easy skill to learn, but takes some practice to master. Conversation happens in turns, each person taking a turn to listen and a turn to speak or to respond. It shows respect for the other person when you use your “speaking turn” to show you have been listening and not just to say something new. They then have a chance to correct your understanding, affirm it, or embellish on it.
Consider your response before disagreeing.
If the point was not important, ignore it rather than risk appearing argumentative. If you consider it important then politely point out your difference of opinion. Do not disagree merely to set yourself apart, but remember these points:
It is the differences in people–and their conversation–that make them interesting.
Agreeing with everything can kill a conversation just as easily as disagreeing with everything.
A person is interesting when they are different from you; a person is obnoxious when they can not agree with anything you say, or if they use the point to make themselves appear superior.
Try to omit the word “but” from your conversation when disagreeing as this word often puts people on the defensive. Instead, try substituting the word “and”, it has less of an antagonistic effect.
Consider playing devil’s advocate - which requires care.
If your conversation partner makes a point, you can keep the conversation going by bringing up the opposite point of view (introduce it with something like “I agree, and…”). If you overuse this technique, however, you could end up appearing disagreeable or even hostile.
Do not panic over lulls.
This is a point where you could easily inject your thoughts into the discussion. If the topic seems to have run out, use the pause to think for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask them. Did something they said remind you of something else you have heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question or topic in your mind? Mention it and you’ll transition smoothly into further conversation!
Know when the conversation is over.
Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. Shake hands with the other person and be sure to tell them you enjoyed talking with them. Ending on a positive note will leave a good impression and likely bring them back later for more!
Warnings
Choose carefully when asking personal questions. You do not want to venture into overly personal issues. Even if the other person might be willing to talk about it, you may end up learning things that you really do not want to know. You certainly do not want the other person to think afterward that you coerced them into revealing personal information.
Be sincere! Compliments are great, but too much flattery is obvious and will reveal you as being insincere.
Beware of topics that can be inflammatory - such as religion and politics - and don’t venture into them unless you know the person has roughly the same convictions as you, or the circumstances otherwise allow for pleasant discussion. Again, it’s fine to disagree and can be nice to talk about differences, but it can also be a quick step toward an argument.
Try not to argue! You do not have to agree with everything someone says, but you do not have to tell them all about how you disagree. If you feel the need to explain an opposing viewpoint, express it simply and without putting the other person on the defensive. It is better to simply change the subject in a casual conversation than to get involved in an argument.
Try not to nod or respond with “Yes” and “I see” so much. It might make the person think you are bored and sometimes it may seem like you are rushing them along. Never say anything hurtful or offensive to the other person, this may project a bad feeling between you.
If it is a planned conversation, try listening to the news in case you run out of thing to say, it is always a good solution.
Also try not to cut the person off mid-sentence. It seems disrespectful and it makes it seem like what you have to say is more important than what the other person has to say. Let the person finish their thoughts and then continue on with thoughts of your own.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
HOW TO STAY FOCUSED IN LIFE
HOW TO STAY FOCUSED IN LIFE
In life, there are several distractions and always will be. It's up to us how we stay focused in our head and heart and follow our goals. Here are some tips to stay focused in life.
Time Management
· Firstly, accept the fact that you have only 24 hours and seven days a week.
· Hence, time management is very important as that will help you in achieving the maximum in minimum time and effort.
· Planning a week ahead on a Sunday is very useful. Write down the things to be done in a diary or a white board in order of priority.
· As far as possible, stick to the priority wise objectives and tick them once they're done.
· Initially, it may not be easy to stick to a plan, but you will gradually see your efficiency and productivity increasing and you will no longer run out of time.
Goal Management
· Set smaller, achievable goals. For instance, if you want to score a high percentage in your exams then your goals should be to study a few hours daily rather than finish studying an entire chapter. If you try and complete an entire subject, it may not only be difficult but it can leave you nervous and under-confident.
· Rate your performance on a scale of 1 to 10, but be honest to yourself.
· Compare your present performance with the past to check your progress.
· Only if you are able to judge yourself honestly can you push yourself to do better.
Personal Management
· Meditation and yoga can help you to concentrate and stay focused.
· Visualize success before dozing off to sleep and just when you wake up. Affirm success and ingrain it into your mind and body.
· Seek advice and guidance from a trusted person such as a parent, a senior, a teacher or a counselor.
· Accept the fact that there will always be distractions, there will be people doing better than you and may be 'luckier' than you. But you need not waste time on worrying; instead, use the time to better yourself.
· Study tactics used by successful people, maybe it can give you a hint.
In life, there are several distractions and always will be. It's up to us how we stay focused in our head and heart and follow our goals. Here are some tips to stay focused in life.
Time Management
· Firstly, accept the fact that you have only 24 hours and seven days a week.
· Hence, time management is very important as that will help you in achieving the maximum in minimum time and effort.
· Planning a week ahead on a Sunday is very useful. Write down the things to be done in a diary or a white board in order of priority.
· As far as possible, stick to the priority wise objectives and tick them once they're done.
· Initially, it may not be easy to stick to a plan, but you will gradually see your efficiency and productivity increasing and you will no longer run out of time.
Goal Management
· Set smaller, achievable goals. For instance, if you want to score a high percentage in your exams then your goals should be to study a few hours daily rather than finish studying an entire chapter. If you try and complete an entire subject, it may not only be difficult but it can leave you nervous and under-confident.
· Rate your performance on a scale of 1 to 10, but be honest to yourself.
· Compare your present performance with the past to check your progress.
· Only if you are able to judge yourself honestly can you push yourself to do better.
Personal Management
· Meditation and yoga can help you to concentrate and stay focused.
· Visualize success before dozing off to sleep and just when you wake up. Affirm success and ingrain it into your mind and body.
· Seek advice and guidance from a trusted person such as a parent, a senior, a teacher or a counselor.
· Accept the fact that there will always be distractions, there will be people doing better than you and may be 'luckier' than you. But you need not waste time on worrying; instead, use the time to better yourself.
· Study tactics used by successful people, maybe it can give you a hint.
FIVE-STEP GUIDE TO OVERCOMING FEAR
FIVE-STEP GUIDE TO OVERCOMING FEAR
Fear! It's one of the biggest obstacles keeping us from living life to the fullest. Most of our fears are irrational and unnecessary, yet we find it difficult to let go of them.
Here are 5 tips to help you overcome your fears and take control of your life.
Step 1: Identify your fear
Putting a name to your fear is the first and most essential step to overcoming it. Once you've identified your fear, it is easier to look at it like it's just another challenge that needs to be dealt with.
Step 2: Analyze your fear
Analyzing your fears will help you see just how irrational they are. List down reasons stating why it is unnecessary for you to be paralyzed by this fear. Then think of other people who aren't troubled by the fear at all, and ask yourself why is it that they aren't affected by this fear when you are.
Step 3: Put your fears into perspective
We tend to make mountains out of molehills when we're plagued with fear. It always helps to put matters into perspective and take an objective look at ourselves and our fears.
Step 4: Practice systematic desensitization
Many psychologists recommend this technique for overcoming fear. The idea is to get a little closer to the object of your fear each time you are around it. Get used to the way the fear makes you feel. Eventually, it will not have the capacity to create fearful emotions in you any more.
Step 5: Don't obsess over fear
Don't obsess over fearful or troubling thoughts. This can be challenging in itself, but is very necessary.
Fear! It's one of the biggest obstacles keeping us from living life to the fullest. Most of our fears are irrational and unnecessary, yet we find it difficult to let go of them.
Here are 5 tips to help you overcome your fears and take control of your life.
Step 1: Identify your fear
Putting a name to your fear is the first and most essential step to overcoming it. Once you've identified your fear, it is easier to look at it like it's just another challenge that needs to be dealt with.
Step 2: Analyze your fear
Analyzing your fears will help you see just how irrational they are. List down reasons stating why it is unnecessary for you to be paralyzed by this fear. Then think of other people who aren't troubled by the fear at all, and ask yourself why is it that they aren't affected by this fear when you are.
Step 3: Put your fears into perspective
We tend to make mountains out of molehills when we're plagued with fear. It always helps to put matters into perspective and take an objective look at ourselves and our fears.
Step 4: Practice systematic desensitization
Many psychologists recommend this technique for overcoming fear. The idea is to get a little closer to the object of your fear each time you are around it. Get used to the way the fear makes you feel. Eventually, it will not have the capacity to create fearful emotions in you any more.
Step 5: Don't obsess over fear
Don't obsess over fearful or troubling thoughts. This can be challenging in itself, but is very necessary.
START TODAY
START TODAY
One of the world's top leadership experts and the author of 10 international bestsellers on leadership and personal success, Robin Sharma says in his blog: "In my work as a success coach with people around the world, I've realized that lasting personal change does not require you to turn your life upside down. The best way to get to your greatness is through small, continuous steps-what I call the "1% Wins". If you improve your health only 1% each day for the next 30 days, you will see a 30% increase in that dimension of your life in only 1 month."
This should say it all. Whether it is losing weight, thinking positive, waking up early, making more money, working harder, having a happier home, a loving relationship, one step at a time is what it takes to reach the final goal. And though the goal may seem far away - 20 kgs to lose!, Even 50 gms a day would mean 0.5 kgs in 10 days, 1.5 kgs in a month, and 16 kgs in the year!
When you want to achieve something, whatever it may be, you can do it if you start taking the steps and simply keep the goal in mind. Do not look at the number of steps, because the goal may just seem further away, and the steps too many. Instead if you make a kick start and keep going never losing vision of your goal, you will achieve what you want before you know it! Start today...
One of the world's top leadership experts and the author of 10 international bestsellers on leadership and personal success, Robin Sharma says in his blog: "In my work as a success coach with people around the world, I've realized that lasting personal change does not require you to turn your life upside down. The best way to get to your greatness is through small, continuous steps-what I call the "1% Wins". If you improve your health only 1% each day for the next 30 days, you will see a 30% increase in that dimension of your life in only 1 month."
This should say it all. Whether it is losing weight, thinking positive, waking up early, making more money, working harder, having a happier home, a loving relationship, one step at a time is what it takes to reach the final goal. And though the goal may seem far away - 20 kgs to lose!, Even 50 gms a day would mean 0.5 kgs in 10 days, 1.5 kgs in a month, and 16 kgs in the year!
When you want to achieve something, whatever it may be, you can do it if you start taking the steps and simply keep the goal in mind. Do not look at the number of steps, because the goal may just seem further away, and the steps too many. Instead if you make a kick start and keep going never losing vision of your goal, you will achieve what you want before you know it! Start today...
ATTRACT SUCCESS BY SAYING 'YES'
ATTRACT SUCCESS BY SAYING 'YES'
Posted: 30 Aug 2009 06:25 AM PDT
Very often a lot of our successes and failures are governed by our primary approach to things. When we choose to accept situations and challenges with a mindset to fight them out rather than give up before we begin, we increase our chances of a win. Here is how saying 'yes' positively affects not only your mental make-up, but also those of the others around you, thus, helping you win battles and attract success:
1. It changes your perspective
When you say 'yes', you automatically change your perspective. You flip over from the negative or the undecided to the positive, seeing new possibilities.
2. It allows you to learn something new
A 'yes' is the first step of learning. Only if you agree to go through a new process or a new route will you give yourself the opportunity to learn something new. Who knows, you may even discover things that you really enjoy doing or paths that you may love to explore further.
3. You win the admiration of others
When you adopt the 'yes' attitude, it doesn't just pertain to the case at hand. Your outlook towards life becomes much more positive and the more you implement it, the more it becomes inherent in you. This clearly does not go unnoticed and hence makes you popular amongst not only those directly associated with you but even amongst those who are superficially connected with you.
4. It has no negatives
The 'yes' attitude aids in only gains and makes you lose nothing at all. It may involve taking risks and exploring the unexplored but more often than not, you have nothing to lose.
5. It puts you through a self-test
The reason a 'yes' attitude is the first step of success is because it allows you to test yourself and your capabilities. Agreeing to do something you haven't tried before or something that does not come easily to you lets you gauge your strengths and weaknesses, helping you discover more about yourself.
So go ahead and say 'YES' to challenges. Say 'YES' to success.
LEARN TO LET GO BUT DON'T GIVE UP!
Posted: 30 Aug 2009 06:25 AM PDT
Very often a lot of our successes and failures are governed by our primary approach to things. When we choose to accept situations and challenges with a mindset to fight them out rather than give up before we begin, we increase our chances of a win. Here is how saying 'yes' positively affects not only your mental make-up, but also those of the others around you, thus, helping you win battles and attract success:
1. It changes your perspective
When you say 'yes', you automatically change your perspective. You flip over from the negative or the undecided to the positive, seeing new possibilities.
2. It allows you to learn something new
A 'yes' is the first step of learning. Only if you agree to go through a new process or a new route will you give yourself the opportunity to learn something new. Who knows, you may even discover things that you really enjoy doing or paths that you may love to explore further.
3. You win the admiration of others
When you adopt the 'yes' attitude, it doesn't just pertain to the case at hand. Your outlook towards life becomes much more positive and the more you implement it, the more it becomes inherent in you. This clearly does not go unnoticed and hence makes you popular amongst not only those directly associated with you but even amongst those who are superficially connected with you.
4. It has no negatives
The 'yes' attitude aids in only gains and makes you lose nothing at all. It may involve taking risks and exploring the unexplored but more often than not, you have nothing to lose.
5. It puts you through a self-test
The reason a 'yes' attitude is the first step of success is because it allows you to test yourself and your capabilities. Agreeing to do something you haven't tried before or something that does not come easily to you lets you gauge your strengths and weaknesses, helping you discover more about yourself.
So go ahead and say 'YES' to challenges. Say 'YES' to success.
LEARN TO LET GO BUT DON'T GIVE UP!
Friendships enrich your life and improve your health
Friendships enrich your life and improve your health
Friendships are good for your health. During hardships, they are a source of comfort and strength. Learn how to find and nurture friendships and how to be a good friend.
They offer the shoulder to lean on. The good advice. The unspoken comfort. The good times and the shared laughter. Friendships offer all these benefits, and lots more. They boost your self-esteem, provide companionship, and even help protect your overall health and mental well-being.
It's not always easy to form the close bonds of friendships, though. It may be especially hard to develop and keep up friendships when your life is hectic work demands, family time, school. But friendships are important for both men and women. Take a minute to think about the friends in your life. Do you have close friends? Would you like to develop more friendships?
Why friendships are so important
Good friends are good for your health. Talking with a friend over a cup of coffee, going to a ballgame together, chatting while your kids romp on the playground, or hitting the links for a round of golf can offer simple but powerful ways to connect.
Benefits of friendships
The connections of friendship can:
· Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
· Boost your happiness
· Reduce stress
· Improve your self-worth
· Decrease your risk of serious mental illness
· Help you weather traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
· Encourage you to change unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise
· Share in your good times, such as a new baby, a new job, a new house
Friends can celebrate the good times with you or offer comfort during the bad. Just knowing that friends are there for you can help you avoid unhealthy reactions to stressful situations.
Ways to actively seek out friendships
Some people benefit from large and diverse networks of friends, while others prefer a smaller circle of friends and acquaintances. You may have certain very close friends you rely on for deeply personal conversations, and more casual friendships for movies, a pickup game of basketball or backyard cookouts.
But many adults, especially men and those in troubled relationships, find it hard to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. For one thing, time may be short. Friendships may take a back seat to your other priorities, such as long days on the job, keeping up the house, or caring for aging parents. Or maybe you've moved to a new community and haven't yet found a way to meet people.
Developing good friendships does take some work. But remember that friends don't have to be your age or share a similar cultural, religious or educational background. And because friendships are so important to your overall sense of well-being, it's worth the time and effort to create friendships.
Meeting new people
Here are some ways you can develop friendships:
· Get out with your pet. Seek out a popular dog park, make conversation with those who stop to talk on your daily neighborhood jaunts, or make pet play dates.
· Work out. Join a class through a local gym, senior center or community fitness facility. Or start a lunchtime walking group at work.
· Do lunch. Invite an acquaintance to join you for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
· Accept invites. When you're invited to a party, dinner or social gathering, say yes. Resist the urge to say no just because you may not know everyone there or because you may initially feel awkward. You can always leave if you get too uncomfortable.
· Volunteer. Hospitals, places of worship, museums, community centers, charitable groups and other organizations often need volunteers. You can form strong connections when you work with people who share a mutual interest.
· Join a cause. Get together with a group of people working toward a goal you believe in, such as an election or the cleanup of a natural area.
· Join a hobby group. Find a nearby group with similar interests in such things as auto racing, music, gardening, books or crafts.
· Go back to school. Take a college or community education course to meet people with similar interests.
Hang out on your porch. Front porches used to be social centers for the neighborhood. If you don't have a front porch, you can still pull up a chair and sit out front with a cup of coffee or a good book. Making yourself visible shows that you are friendly and open.
· Join a church or faith community. Many churches and faith communities welcome new members.
You may not become instant friends the first time you meet someone. But the seeds of lasting friendships can be sown with something as simple as a friendly wave as you're mowing the lawn or bringing in the newspaper.
Keep friendships nurturing and healthy
Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give and take. Sometimes you're the one giving support to your friends, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them will help ensure that their support remains strong when times are rough. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends.
Here are some ways to make sure your friendships remain healthy and supportive:
· Go easy. Don't overwhelm friends with phone calls or e-mails. Communication can be brief five minutes on the phone or several sentences in an e-mail. Find out how late or early you can call, and respect those boundaries. Do have a plan for crisis situations, when you may need to temporarily set aside such restrictions.
· Be aware of how others perceive you. Ask a friend for an honest evaluation of how you come across to others. Take note of any areas for improvement and work on them.
· Don't compete. Don't let a friendship turn into a hidden battle over who makes the most money, has the best clothes or the coolest car. Don't fight over other friends. This will only turn friendships into unhealthy rivalries.
· Adopt a healthy, realistic self-image. Both vanity and constant self-criticism can be turnoffs to potential friends.
· Resolve to improve yourself. Cultivating your own honesty, generosity and humility will enhance your self-esteem and make you a more compassionate and appealing friend.
· Avoid relentless complaining. Nonstop complaining is tiresome and draining on friendships. Talk to your friends about how you can change the parts of your life that you're unhappy about.
· Adopt a positive outlook. Try to find the humor in things. Laughter is infectious and appealing.
· Listen up. Make a point to ask what's going on in the lives of your friends. Don't talk about your own problems all the time. Friendships can't last when you're self-absorbed.
Friendships pay dividends
Friendships provide a sense of belonging and comfort. Friendships act as a buffer against life's hardships and help you develop resilience. They offer compassion and acceptance. And friendships can make you feel important and needed by giving you a chance to offer someone else comfort and companionship, too.
Relationships change as you age, but it's never too late to build new friendships or reconnect with old friends. The investment in your friends will pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.
Friendships are good for your health. During hardships, they are a source of comfort and strength. Learn how to find and nurture friendships and how to be a good friend.
They offer the shoulder to lean on. The good advice. The unspoken comfort. The good times and the shared laughter. Friendships offer all these benefits, and lots more. They boost your self-esteem, provide companionship, and even help protect your overall health and mental well-being.
It's not always easy to form the close bonds of friendships, though. It may be especially hard to develop and keep up friendships when your life is hectic work demands, family time, school. But friendships are important for both men and women. Take a minute to think about the friends in your life. Do you have close friends? Would you like to develop more friendships?
Why friendships are so important
Good friends are good for your health. Talking with a friend over a cup of coffee, going to a ballgame together, chatting while your kids romp on the playground, or hitting the links for a round of golf can offer simple but powerful ways to connect.
Benefits of friendships
The connections of friendship can:
· Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
· Boost your happiness
· Reduce stress
· Improve your self-worth
· Decrease your risk of serious mental illness
· Help you weather traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
· Encourage you to change unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise
· Share in your good times, such as a new baby, a new job, a new house
Friends can celebrate the good times with you or offer comfort during the bad. Just knowing that friends are there for you can help you avoid unhealthy reactions to stressful situations.
Ways to actively seek out friendships
Some people benefit from large and diverse networks of friends, while others prefer a smaller circle of friends and acquaintances. You may have certain very close friends you rely on for deeply personal conversations, and more casual friendships for movies, a pickup game of basketball or backyard cookouts.
But many adults, especially men and those in troubled relationships, find it hard to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. For one thing, time may be short. Friendships may take a back seat to your other priorities, such as long days on the job, keeping up the house, or caring for aging parents. Or maybe you've moved to a new community and haven't yet found a way to meet people.
Developing good friendships does take some work. But remember that friends don't have to be your age or share a similar cultural, religious or educational background. And because friendships are so important to your overall sense of well-being, it's worth the time and effort to create friendships.
Meeting new people
Here are some ways you can develop friendships:
· Get out with your pet. Seek out a popular dog park, make conversation with those who stop to talk on your daily neighborhood jaunts, or make pet play dates.
· Work out. Join a class through a local gym, senior center or community fitness facility. Or start a lunchtime walking group at work.
· Do lunch. Invite an acquaintance to join you for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
· Accept invites. When you're invited to a party, dinner or social gathering, say yes. Resist the urge to say no just because you may not know everyone there or because you may initially feel awkward. You can always leave if you get too uncomfortable.
· Volunteer. Hospitals, places of worship, museums, community centers, charitable groups and other organizations often need volunteers. You can form strong connections when you work with people who share a mutual interest.
· Join a cause. Get together with a group of people working toward a goal you believe in, such as an election or the cleanup of a natural area.
· Join a hobby group. Find a nearby group with similar interests in such things as auto racing, music, gardening, books or crafts.
· Go back to school. Take a college or community education course to meet people with similar interests.
Hang out on your porch. Front porches used to be social centers for the neighborhood. If you don't have a front porch, you can still pull up a chair and sit out front with a cup of coffee or a good book. Making yourself visible shows that you are friendly and open.
· Join a church or faith community. Many churches and faith communities welcome new members.
You may not become instant friends the first time you meet someone. But the seeds of lasting friendships can be sown with something as simple as a friendly wave as you're mowing the lawn or bringing in the newspaper.
Keep friendships nurturing and healthy
Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give and take. Sometimes you're the one giving support to your friends, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them will help ensure that their support remains strong when times are rough. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends.
Here are some ways to make sure your friendships remain healthy and supportive:
· Go easy. Don't overwhelm friends with phone calls or e-mails. Communication can be brief five minutes on the phone or several sentences in an e-mail. Find out how late or early you can call, and respect those boundaries. Do have a plan for crisis situations, when you may need to temporarily set aside such restrictions.
· Be aware of how others perceive you. Ask a friend for an honest evaluation of how you come across to others. Take note of any areas for improvement and work on them.
· Don't compete. Don't let a friendship turn into a hidden battle over who makes the most money, has the best clothes or the coolest car. Don't fight over other friends. This will only turn friendships into unhealthy rivalries.
· Adopt a healthy, realistic self-image. Both vanity and constant self-criticism can be turnoffs to potential friends.
· Resolve to improve yourself. Cultivating your own honesty, generosity and humility will enhance your self-esteem and make you a more compassionate and appealing friend.
· Avoid relentless complaining. Nonstop complaining is tiresome and draining on friendships. Talk to your friends about how you can change the parts of your life that you're unhappy about.
· Adopt a positive outlook. Try to find the humor in things. Laughter is infectious and appealing.
· Listen up. Make a point to ask what's going on in the lives of your friends. Don't talk about your own problems all the time. Friendships can't last when you're self-absorbed.
Friendships pay dividends
Friendships provide a sense of belonging and comfort. Friendships act as a buffer against life's hardships and help you develop resilience. They offer compassion and acceptance. And friendships can make you feel important and needed by giving you a chance to offer someone else comfort and companionship, too.
Relationships change as you age, but it's never too late to build new friendships or reconnect with old friends. The investment in your friends will pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come.
Mental Health and Anger Management
Mental Health and Anger Management
What Is Anger?
Anger is a very powerful emotion that can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance or disappointment.
It is a normal human emotion that can range from slight irritation to strong rage.
Anger can be harmful or helpful, depending upon how it is expressed.
Knowing how to recognize and express anger in appropriate ways can help people to reach goals, handle emergencies, and solve problems.
However, problems can occur if people fail to recognize and understand their anger.
What Are the Dangers of Suppressed Anger?
Suppressed anger can be an underlying cause of anxiety and depression.
Anger that is not appropriately expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems.
Chronic (long-term) anger has been linked to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems.
In addition, anger can be linked to problems such as crime, emotional and physical abuse, and other violent behavior.
How Can I Manage Anger?
* When you start feeling angry, try deep breathing, positive self-talk, or stopping your angry thoughts. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax" or "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply until the anger subsides.
* Although expressing anger is better than keeping it in, anger should be expressed in an appropriate way. Frequent outbursts of anger are often counter-productive and cause problems in relationships with others. Angry outbursts are also stressful to your nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health problems worse. Learning how to use assertiveness is the healthy way to express your feelings, needs, and preferences. Being assertive can be used in place of using anger in these situations.
* Seek out the support of others. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing your behaviors.
* If you have trouble realizing when you are having angry thoughts, keep a log of when you feel angry.
* Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another's place.
* Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.
* Practice good listening skills. Listening can help improve communication and can facilitate trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions.
* Learn to assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Consult self-help books on assertiveness or seek help from a professional therapist to learn how to use assertiveness and anger management skills.
What Else Can I Deal With My Anger in a Healthy Way?
If you believe that your anger is out of control and is having a negative affect on your life and relationships, seek the help of a mental health professional.
A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you to develop techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
A mental health professional can help you to deal with your anger in an appropriate way.
Choose your therapist carefully and make sure to seek treatment from a professional who is trained to teach anger management and assertiveness skills.
What Is Anger?
Anger is a very powerful emotion that can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance or disappointment.
It is a normal human emotion that can range from slight irritation to strong rage.
Anger can be harmful or helpful, depending upon how it is expressed.
Knowing how to recognize and express anger in appropriate ways can help people to reach goals, handle emergencies, and solve problems.
However, problems can occur if people fail to recognize and understand their anger.
What Are the Dangers of Suppressed Anger?
Suppressed anger can be an underlying cause of anxiety and depression.
Anger that is not appropriately expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems.
Chronic (long-term) anger has been linked to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems.
In addition, anger can be linked to problems such as crime, emotional and physical abuse, and other violent behavior.
How Can I Manage Anger?
* When you start feeling angry, try deep breathing, positive self-talk, or stopping your angry thoughts. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax" or "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply until the anger subsides.
* Although expressing anger is better than keeping it in, anger should be expressed in an appropriate way. Frequent outbursts of anger are often counter-productive and cause problems in relationships with others. Angry outbursts are also stressful to your nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health problems worse. Learning how to use assertiveness is the healthy way to express your feelings, needs, and preferences. Being assertive can be used in place of using anger in these situations.
* Seek out the support of others. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing your behaviors.
* If you have trouble realizing when you are having angry thoughts, keep a log of when you feel angry.
* Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another's place.
* Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.
* Practice good listening skills. Listening can help improve communication and can facilitate trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions.
* Learn to assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Consult self-help books on assertiveness or seek help from a professional therapist to learn how to use assertiveness and anger management skills.
What Else Can I Deal With My Anger in a Healthy Way?
If you believe that your anger is out of control and is having a negative affect on your life and relationships, seek the help of a mental health professional.
A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you to develop techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
A mental health professional can help you to deal with your anger in an appropriate way.
Choose your therapist carefully and make sure to seek treatment from a professional who is trained to teach anger management and assertiveness skills.
The Donkey and the Dog- Read and think-You may find one in your midst
The Donkey and the Dog- Read and think-You may find one in your midst
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep too but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.
The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.
Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"
Now take a new look at the same story...
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dog's duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed "ME" (Met Expectations) .
Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.
The donkey was rated as " star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards.
Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a NEW JOB ...
Disclaimer: All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep too but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.
The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.
Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"
Now take a new look at the same story...
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dog's duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed "ME" (Met Expectations) .
Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.
The donkey was rated as " star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards.
Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a NEW JOB ...
Disclaimer: All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Nice story - Adapted - Out of The Box Thinking
Nice story - Adapted - Out of The Box Thinking
• Employee "A" in a company walked up to his manager and asked what my job is for the day?
• The manager took "A" to the bank of a river and asked him to cross the river and reach the other side of the bank and bring the box back in less than an hour without using the bridge.
• "A" completed this task successfully by taking a shared boat for Rs 10 and reported back to the manager about the completion of the task assigned in 55 minutes. The manager smiled and said "GOOD JOB"
• Next day Employee "B" reported to the same manager and asked him the job for the day. The manager assigned the same task as above to this person also.
• The Employee "B' before starting the task saw Employee "C" struggling in the river to reach the other side of the bank. He realized "C" has the same task.
• Now "B" hired a motoscooter for Rs 50 and crossed the river and also took "C" along.
• "B" reported back to the manager that they did the job in 30 minutes and the manager smiled and said "VERY GOOD JOB"
The following day Employee "Q" reported to the same manager and asked him the job for the day. The manager assigned the same task again.
• Employee "Q" before starting the work did some home work and realized "A", "B" & "C" all has done this task before. He met them and understood how they performed (time spent 2 hours).
• He realized that there is a need for Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for doing this task as there was huge time and money variations.
• He sat down and wrote down the detailed SOP for crossing the river, he documented the common mistakes people made, various means of achieving the tasks, and tricks to do the task efficiently, within budget (Rs 25) and on time (max time spent 1 hour) (time spent – 4 hours).
• Using the SOP he had written down he crossed the river and reported back to the manager along with SOP material.
• The manger said "Q" you have done an "EXCELLENT JOB".
The following day Employee "O' reported to the manager and asked him the job for the day. The manager assigned the same task again.
"O" studied the SOP written down by "Q" and sat and thought about the whole task (5 minutes).
He realized company is spending a lot of money in sending the person over when they can just ask the boatman to bring the box. He decided not to cross the river, negotiated with the boatman who agreed to do the same for Rs 2, sat down and enjoyed his beer while the boatman brought his box in the assigned time. He went back to his manager and said, "You no longer need to assign this task to any one, boatman will deliver it to us for Rs 2 everyday".
The manager smiled and said "Outstanding job 'O'. I am very proud of you."
What is the difference between A, B, Q & O????????
Many a times in life we get tasks to be done at home, at office, at play.,
Most of us end up doing what is expected out of us. Do we feel happy? Most probably yes.
We would be often disappointed when the recognition is not meeting our expectation.
Let us compare ourselves with "B". From a company point of view "B" has saved time but spent huge money on something that was not critical. While he achieved the task in 50% time of the assigned task, he was focused on the task and not on the relevance of it.
"Q" created knowledge base and more paperwork for the team. More often than not, huge procedures, timelines and methods exist without questioning the rationale. This knowledge creation for the team is of immense help but always needs to be preceded by the question WHY??? Something that we forget as we blindly follow and try and standardize a task that can be eliminated or more efficiently performed in a different manner..
Now to the outstanding person, "O" made the task, what it was anyway, irrelevant; he created a Permanent Asset to the organization, freeing up precious time for more useful work – saved time (full one hour eliminated) and money (only spending Rs 2) too.
If you notice B, Q and O all have demonstrated "team spirit" over and above individual performance; also they have demonstrated a very invaluable characteristic known as "INITIATIVE".
Initiative pays of every where whether at work or at personal life. If you put initiative you will succeed. Initiative is a continual process and it never ends. This is because this year's achievement is next year's task. You cannot use the same success story every year.
Out-of-Box thinkers are always premium and that is what every one constantly looks out for. Initiative, Out-of-Box thinking and commitment are the stepping stone to success.
Initiative should be lifelong. Think of out of the box
The take on the story is that nowhere in the story is the rationale for crossing the river is mentioned. If the manager is doing it just for fun or to keep the people engaged or to do a menial task, then making a bridge for the same is highly unjustified and pure waste of precious resources!!
Accordingly I have taken the liberty of adapting the story a little. Hope you like it.
• Employee "A" in a company walked up to his manager and asked what my job is for the day?
• The manager took "A" to the bank of a river and asked him to cross the river and reach the other side of the bank and bring the box back in less than an hour without using the bridge.
• "A" completed this task successfully by taking a shared boat for Rs 10 and reported back to the manager about the completion of the task assigned in 55 minutes. The manager smiled and said "GOOD JOB"
• Next day Employee "B" reported to the same manager and asked him the job for the day. The manager assigned the same task as above to this person also.
• The Employee "B' before starting the task saw Employee "C" struggling in the river to reach the other side of the bank. He realized "C" has the same task.
• Now "B" hired a motoscooter for Rs 50 and crossed the river and also took "C" along.
• "B" reported back to the manager that they did the job in 30 minutes and the manager smiled and said "VERY GOOD JOB"
The following day Employee "Q" reported to the same manager and asked him the job for the day. The manager assigned the same task again.
• Employee "Q" before starting the work did some home work and realized "A", "B" & "C" all has done this task before. He met them and understood how they performed (time spent 2 hours).
• He realized that there is a need for Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for doing this task as there was huge time and money variations.
• He sat down and wrote down the detailed SOP for crossing the river, he documented the common mistakes people made, various means of achieving the tasks, and tricks to do the task efficiently, within budget (Rs 25) and on time (max time spent 1 hour) (time spent – 4 hours).
• Using the SOP he had written down he crossed the river and reported back to the manager along with SOP material.
• The manger said "Q" you have done an "EXCELLENT JOB".
The following day Employee "O' reported to the manager and asked him the job for the day. The manager assigned the same task again.
"O" studied the SOP written down by "Q" and sat and thought about the whole task (5 minutes).
He realized company is spending a lot of money in sending the person over when they can just ask the boatman to bring the box. He decided not to cross the river, negotiated with the boatman who agreed to do the same for Rs 2, sat down and enjoyed his beer while the boatman brought his box in the assigned time. He went back to his manager and said, "You no longer need to assign this task to any one, boatman will deliver it to us for Rs 2 everyday".
The manager smiled and said "Outstanding job 'O'. I am very proud of you."
What is the difference between A, B, Q & O????????
Many a times in life we get tasks to be done at home, at office, at play.,
Most of us end up doing what is expected out of us. Do we feel happy? Most probably yes.
We would be often disappointed when the recognition is not meeting our expectation.
Let us compare ourselves with "B". From a company point of view "B" has saved time but spent huge money on something that was not critical. While he achieved the task in 50% time of the assigned task, he was focused on the task and not on the relevance of it.
"Q" created knowledge base and more paperwork for the team. More often than not, huge procedures, timelines and methods exist without questioning the rationale. This knowledge creation for the team is of immense help but always needs to be preceded by the question WHY??? Something that we forget as we blindly follow and try and standardize a task that can be eliminated or more efficiently performed in a different manner..
Now to the outstanding person, "O" made the task, what it was anyway, irrelevant; he created a Permanent Asset to the organization, freeing up precious time for more useful work – saved time (full one hour eliminated) and money (only spending Rs 2) too.
If you notice B, Q and O all have demonstrated "team spirit" over and above individual performance; also they have demonstrated a very invaluable characteristic known as "INITIATIVE".
Initiative pays of every where whether at work or at personal life. If you put initiative you will succeed. Initiative is a continual process and it never ends. This is because this year's achievement is next year's task. You cannot use the same success story every year.
Out-of-Box thinkers are always premium and that is what every one constantly looks out for. Initiative, Out-of-Box thinking and commitment are the stepping stone to success.
Initiative should be lifelong. Think of out of the box
The take on the story is that nowhere in the story is the rationale for crossing the river is mentioned. If the manager is doing it just for fun or to keep the people engaged or to do a menial task, then making a bridge for the same is highly unjustified and pure waste of precious resources!!
Accordingly I have taken the liberty of adapting the story a little. Hope you like it.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
"While strong feelings can create havoc in reasoning, the lack of awareness of feeling can also be ruinous, especially in weighing the decisions on which our destiny largely depends; what career to pursue, whether to stay with a secure job or switch to one that is riskier but more interesting, whom to date or marry, where to live... Such decisions cannot be made well through sheer rationality; they require gut feeling, and the emotional wisdom garnered through past experiences. Formal logic alone can never work as the basis for deciding whom to marry or trust or even what job to take; these are realms where reason without feeling is blind."
- Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is not separate from intelligence; just that it combines the emotions with the intelligence. EI is the ability in us to understand our emotions and that of others for good relationship and productive actions. An emotional intelligence minds are self-aware, self-motivated and proactive and seeks personal development in any challenge without any sense of personal loss. Emotional Quotient and EI have been much talked about since the 1990’s.If we are flexible enough and able to accept others for what they are, we possess EI to certain extent. We will be able to accept our own strengths and weakness and consciously choose our behavior without becoming impulsive. We can read the moods of others at any specific time and react suitably.
OUR EMOTIONS……….
Our ability to view situations objectively and thus to understand ourselves and other people depends on balancing and integrating the head and heart. Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand and effectively apply the power of emotions, appropriately channeled as a source of energy, creativity and influence.
Emotions serve as the source of human energy, authenticity and drive, and can offer us a wellspring of intuitive wisdom. Each feeling provides us with valuable feedback throughout the day. This feedback from the heart is what ignites creativity, keeps us honest with ourselves, guides trusting relationships, and provides the compass for our life and career. Emotional intelligence requires that we learn to acknowledge and understand feelings - in ourselves and others - and that we appropriately respond to them, creatively applying the energy of the emotions to our daily life, work and relationships. Emotional intelligence is demonstrated by tolerance, empathy and compassion for others; the ability to verbalize feelings accurately and with integrity; and the resilience to bounce back from emotional upsets. It is the ability to be deeply feeling, authentic human being, no matter what life brings, no matter what challenges and opportunities we face.
Where Do Emotions Come From?
The word emotion is a fascinating word. Look at it this way: E-motion, or Energy, put into motion. That is what our emotions do. They move energy and bring things into motion, or manifestation. The force behind what we feel is what allows us to create. First we have our thought, or perception. But it is the emotional energy, the fuel, that allows something to get created. "I felt so strongly that I just had to rush out and do it". Therefore, to create in a positive way, we must generate positive emotions from clear thoughts and perceptions.
Thought triggers emotion. See what kind of thoughts you are thinking, and what kind of emotion that creates. Tune into how you feel. Use all your senses to ask if something doesn't feel right or comfortable in the way you are responding or feeling. If you don't like the emotion you are feeling, change the thoughts you are thinking that are the reason for you creating that emotion. Get a new perspective, in other words. Healing comes from taking responsibility to realize that it is you - and no-one else - that creates your thoughts, your feelings, and your action
The reactive response
The opposite of being response-able is to be 'reactive' - in this case one's response is not conscious and self-aware, it is mechanical, like the trigger of a gun. Rather than being objective in the present, one is subjectively in the past. A situation reminds you of the past and there you go. The thoughts that go through your mind - thoughts from the past - trigger an unpleasant or self-defeating emotional reaction, and result in behavior that is not in your best interest. In other words it is your beliefs and your perspective on things that determine your emotions, which then drive your resulting behavior.
These thoughts derive from times when they seemed like the best solution to trying circumstances, and they may be an agreement with a dominant, authoritative or persuasive force, or derive from the conclusion to an episode in your life of success or failure. If the original circumstances were unpleasant and become painful to think about, the accompanying thoughts, decisions and purposes become suppressed too, but continue to operate subconsciously.
When brought to light, it is apparent that the thoughts are affecting current life unnecessarily, as they are usually an over-generalization, an exaggeration, a negativity or an intolerance that is irrational. To become responsible again rather than reactive, one needs to become aware of these thoughts and examine them objectively. And to be conscious of the present moment, and so act (rather than react) as circumstances change.
The route to the underlying thoughts and beliefs is to recognize the situation or circumstance that triggers unwanted feelings and subsequent behavior, then see what thoughts are driving that reaction. Most often these are fleeting and subconscious, since they are associated with painful experiences or because they have long been installed in the mind as seemingly safe solutions to the situations of life and have therefore become taken for granted - 'built in' as part of one's identity. Normally you can't see what you are being - first you need to fully experience, accept and release the emotion.
Finding the underlying thought pattern is crucial to resolving the reactivity, and when it is seen in the light of an objective view this is a great relief, because the past decision - and the beliefs surrounding it - can normally be changed quite readily. It may mean finding a new solution to the problem that it has been 'solving' in the mind, but the clearer view makes this possible.
If the previous solution is used to make one feel right (or justified if connected with bad actions) and/or to make others wrong defensively or manipulatively, then some courage is needed to adopt the new, more rational view. If you have done something wrong in the past, it is best to be thankful you made that mistake, because it gives you the opportunity now to learn a valuable lesson.
These principles are common to much of humanistic psychology, and are also the basis for further transpersonal work. To recap, the way it works is this:
- The person has a traumatic experience, of pain or loss.
- As a result of the experience, s/he makes a decision or intention for the future, such as "men are selfish bastards, I can't trust them" which becomes part of their belief system.
- Because the incident was painful it is suppressed, and the accompanying decision is identified with, but both remain in the mind and continue to have influence.
- When the incident is restimulated by similar circumstances in the present, the old decision is subconsciously dramatized. The tape replays subconsciously.
- The decision may have been relevant and appropriate to the original circumstances but it is probably not appropriate now - it is therefore irrational and somewhat stupid, i.e. it may contain an assumption or generalization that causes intolerance or negativity.
- The current situation is interpreted according to the restimulated beliefs and considerations, and so the person creates unpleasant emotions (sadness, fear, anger, etc), which then drive the him or her to behave in an inappropriate and self-defeating way; rather than the appropriate and self-empowering way that a rational and objective interpretation would encourage.
The Releasing procedure helps you to re-experience the painful emotion, to the point that you realize that you actually create the emotion based on your interpretation of events, and that you are not the emotion, i.e. "I create the feeling of being angry" rather than "I am angry". With acceptance of the emotion, so that you can have it or not have it and still be content, then you can let the emotion go.
For the releasing to be permanent you also need to spot the underlying irrational thought, assumption, decision or intention, and how it has been driving your emotions. Now the emotion is cleared it will no longer be dominating your view of the situation and these thoughts will be exposed. Upon examination it becomes clear that you can change your mind about this and see things differently, so will you no longer need to feel upset in similar circumstances and have new freedom to behave in ways more aligned with your goals in life.
The shadow self
We each have a belief system full of ideas imprinted by our culture and upbringing, and as the effect of earlier traumatic experiences, and even influences we are born with. They are here with us all the time in the present and effect our view of things and interpretation of events, so that we are not really free to be ourselves, and to know our true selves and our true goals and purposes in life.
Part of our belief system is conscious and makes up the personality we knowingly present to the world. Another part is less conscious and these are beliefs that we suppress because they are uncomfortable to face - they make up our 'Shadow Self'. It includes aspects of ourself that we resist - qualities we have that we don't like, things we've done we are ashamed of, things we've believed that others have told us that are negative evaluations or invalidations. Accompanying these beliefs are put-downs, self-invalidations. For example, I found myself feeling afraid on occasions and judged myself a coward: "I despise this cowardly streak I have."
To help in suppressing painful aspects of the shadow self, we then use these put-downs against others too, e.g. criticizing someone because he is cowardly to speak up, to reinforce the suppression of the belief one has about oneself.
So when you resist, deny or suppress a belief about yourself, you then reinforce this by projecting the same suppression on others. I might suppress the belief that I'm not a kind person by criticizing another for being mean. Ironically, when we realize someone is being kind, this is only possible because one has recognized that kindness within oneself, otherwise it would not be real to you.
Men who deny the feminine aspect of themselves often then criticize other men for being soft or over-sensitive. And women who through their conditioning suppress their masculine aspects may criticize other women for being tough or aggressive.
As we become more aware, through practices such as meditation, self-remembering, applying the Releasing method, and in particular through the in-depth technique of The Insight Project, we can let go of these 'Shadow' aspects of our personality, we no longer need them as 'safe solutions', their lies have been exposed. And the energy we put into anger, hate, jealousy, guilt, envy and so on is freed up and transmuted to its true nature, which is our own true nature, love.
Responsibilities yours or mine???
Another's determinism (including their emotional responses) is their responsibility, not yours. This is a hard lesson to learn. If lover promise his love that he will take her to the film, but this turns out not to be possible, she may be upset and angry. It is easy to fall into the trap of taking responsibility for this upset, to feel that he caused it. But it is your girlfriend who causes her own grief, not you. You are responsible for doing what you think is right, according to your ethical judgment. If you do something wrong according to your own ethics, you are responsible for that. You are not responsible for the other person's reactions though, that is their determinism, their freedom.
If you do something you think is right and someone gets upset about it, even if you could have predicted that, the upset is nevertheless that person's responsibility. Sometimes you do something you know another probably won't like, because it is the right and therefore responsible thing to do. The other person's reaction is their personal responsibility. You may decide to withhold an action because of a predicted effect, although that effect is another's responsibility. Here it is an ethical judgment - withholding that action, if it is the right thing to do, may be a wrong-doing in itself.
For example if you were to withhold doing personal development because your partner has said they do not want you to change in any way, perhaps because they project their personal fears and insecurities, that is your choice. But if you consider making a better life for yourself is the ethical thing to do - for the benefit of yourself and ultimately for others too - and you tell your partner that and she gets upset, it is your partner who is responsible for the upset - it is her interpretation of your actions that creates her own upset, not your action in itself, which is a responsible action.
You can genuinely love someone whilst nevertheless doing something they don't like or agree with. You do it because you feel it is the right thing to do, though you still understand and have empathy for their different viewpoint (which causes their emotional reaction, part of their 'case' which they have created by their own choices and belief system).
If one only did things others can easily accept then the status quo would never progress. That would truly be a trap. The solution here is better communication, leading to increased understanding of each other's viewpoint, and therefore acceptance of the differing personal realities.
There is strong cultural conditioning to feel sad, guilty, etc. for painful emotions that our actions, however well meant, may cause to others. In society there's a general misconception that you are your emotions. "I am angry" and "you make me angry". This is conditioning not truth. In terms of cause and effect, it's a viewpoint at effect. Some say that to be happy only do what others can easily experience - it's the same lie.
The Church teaches "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you". This is evidently true, as if you are being ethical then it's going to be OK for others to do the same to you. And if it isn't then you'd better re-think whether you are indeed doing the right thing. It is one definition of a 'wrong' action: that which you would not like another to do to you.
It's a basic principle of respect for others (as one would wish for oneself) that they are responsible for their actions and reactions - that is their freedom of choice. They are not a slave or puppet.
From your interpretation of reality you make decisions and your decisions and choices and emotional tone have enormous influence on the direction of your life and what happens.
Looking at life and relationships in terms of Communication, Understanding and Empathy (CUE) is a spiritual viewpoint. It is like the 'love of God' - it can seem harsh but it's about the 'greatest good'. It has no room for the 'victim' identification, jealousy and those kinds of very human responses, which are based on conditioned lies.
Consideration for the other person comes into play when you judge ethics, what is best overall, not just for oneself. However the other may not agree with your judgment nor like it. That is an aspect of the unknown and randomness of the game of life. You try to make it a win-win rather than competitive game by increasing the qualities of CUE.
You are responsible for your choices, decisions and actions. For being true to your judgment. For communicating with honesty and integrity, developing and maintaining an open mind, and promoting understanding and empathy. For never compromising your freedoms and rights nor trampling on another's. For always acting from the primary motivation of love. That's all and quite enough.
Balancing Emotional And Intellectual Intelligences
When managers think of emotion, they often focus on overreaction that they have witnessed in the workplace-conflicts, hurt feelings, or even their own embarrassing moments. Letting emotions overpower our intellect is not what we mean by emotional intelligence; in fact, quite the opposite is true: out of control emotions are not what we want, at work or elsewhere.
On the other hand, listening only to our rational, factual side in not emotional intelligence, either.Fellings, instincts and intuitions gained through experience are vital sources of information about world around us. We operate only the half the information we need to make valid decisions when we try to use only rational, cognitively derived data. This approach does not lead to overall success within any organization or to satisfying personal life.
Psychologists quantify the rational thinking part of our brains we call it IQ. Psychologists and educators do not agree on exactly how to measure it nor what number really mean. Nonetheless, we have some widely used and accepted measures of intelligence: An IQ of 120 tells us something about persons general ability, as does an IQ of 85.However, the intelligence does not correlate highly with success on the job. Based on recent studies experts now believe that only 25% of IQ contributes to one’s over all success. So, if its not just IQ for success then what else it could be???case studies and longitudinal studies by highly regarded leaders give us a clue: opportunity adds a few percentage points, but many well-respected leaders create their own opportunities. They are able to do so because they rank high on all dimensions of Emotional intelligence.
It is EQ that allows us to express preferences in decision-making, passionately pursue a goal, control our temper and offer persuasive arguments’ for or against an idea. EQ explains why we like certain people better than others and helps us get along with the ones we don’t. It is EQ that helps us to build relationships and helps us to think clearly when things goes wrong. Real leaders are those who actively inspire and motivate others, create teamwork and achieve outstanding results; they model the behavior they want to see in their employees. Emotional Intelligence can move management to leadership and make the people at the top sit up and take notice of your contributions to the company.
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