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EIGHT GOLDEN RULES FOR INSTIGATING CHANGE IN PEOPLE without giving them a hard time...
EIGHT GOLDEN RULES FOR INSTIGATING CHANGE IN PEOPLE without giving them a hard time...
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It is always easier for any one of us to accept criticism after we've received some praise. So if you wish to criticize, do it after you've given the person some honest praise and appreciation.
A manager noticed that his secretary was in the habit of not coming to work on time. He had also noticed that she is always very presentable in appearance. So he started, "you always dress very nicely, you do our company's image a lot of good." The secretary blushed and was flattered. He then said, "I would just appreciate it if you were more punctual." And from that day on she was as sharp as a clock.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
It is a normal human trait to not take criticism easily, but there is a way by which you can criticize and not be hated for it. That way is to criticize indirectly.
A sales manager saw one day that his sales force in the store were chatting among themselves and didn't notice the woman that was waiting to be served. He did not call on them but rather served the lady himself and handed them the purchase to be wrapped. They got the message very clearly and appreciated his manner in dealing with the matter.
Another manager wanted to keep three employees from smoking indoors. He bought each one an expensive cigar, and handed the cigars to them while they were smoking. They were very happy with the gift. He then said, "could you just please smoke them outside?" Naturally, they never smoked indoors again.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing
Another way to help people accept their mistakes and try to change is by humbly admitting that you yourself are not flawless. Before bringing their attention to their fault, mention the similar faults of your own.
An engineer's secretary used to often type his letters with spelling mistakes. Until one day when he received a letter that had mistakes, he sat her down and said, "being an engineer, I was never noted for my English skills, but because our letters give an impression about us I had to pay close attention to changing that fact about me. I started carrying around a pocket dictionary." They sat together and fixed all the spelling mistakes in that letter, and ever since she made significantly less spelling mistakes.
4. Ask questions instead of direct orders
People tend to dislike taking orders.
A very successful businessman was noted by his workers for never telling someone "do this", or "don't do that." He would always say things like, "you might consider�" or "what do you think about�" or "do you think this would work?"
Asking questions like that and not giving orders saves a person's pride and gives them a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
5. Don't hurt a person's pride
At a business meeting once an employee was to present a report to her boss and co-workers. She had made a mistake in her research and mentioned it and told everyone that the research needed to be redone. Her manager could have scolded her and criticized her mistake and hurt her pride in front of everyone present.
Instead, he said, "It is not unusual to make mistakes when working on a new project, I have confidence that the next report will be accurate and reliable, and I know that this mistake was due to lack of experience and not lack of ability." The woman walked out of the meeting determined to never let her boss down again.
Even when someone is definitely wrong, you will only destroy their ego by hurting their pride.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and be specific
When an employee has done a good job or improved in any way, take the time to recognize his or her efforts. Be specific, point out what it is exactly that made their work superior. Everybody likes to be praised but when it is specific it comes across as sincere, and not just something another person is saying to make one feel good.
Sincere and specific praise can work as an exceptional motivator.
7. Give the person a reputation to live up to
When you have something to ask of someone, start by giving them a reputation to live up to.
A sales person had finished an unsuccessful sales call with an existing client about a new product. He was very upset. He went back and said, "Since I left this morning I realized I did not give you the entire picture and I would appreciate some of your time to tell you the points I omitted. I have respected the fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enough to change your mind when the facts warrant a change." Naturally, he was granted another hearing.
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct
If you ever tell an employee that they are doing everything wrong or that they are stupid at doing a certain thing, then you've destroyed every chance that this person tries to improve. However, if you encourage them and tell them that it is easy and that they just need to develop the knack for it and show them you have faith in their ability, then they will try ten times as hard to do it right.
These rules don't guarantee that you will always get people to do the things you want but they sure will increase you chances. Again, and it cannot be stressed enough, all these rules must be applied with sincerity. That is the only way they can be effective
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
It is always easier for any one of us to accept criticism after we've received some praise. So if you wish to criticize, do it after you've given the person some honest praise and appreciation.
A manager noticed that his secretary was in the habit of not coming to work on time. He had also noticed that she is always very presentable in appearance. So he started, "you always dress very nicely, you do our company's image a lot of good." The secretary blushed and was flattered. He then said, "I would just appreciate it if you were more punctual." And from that day on she was as sharp as a clock.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
It is a normal human trait to not take criticism easily, but there is a way by which you can criticize and not be hated for it. That way is to criticize indirectly.
A sales manager saw one day that his sales force in the store were chatting among themselves and didn't notice the woman that was waiting to be served. He did not call on them but rather served the lady himself and handed them the purchase to be wrapped. They got the message very clearly and appreciated his manner in dealing with the matter.
Another manager wanted to keep three employees from smoking indoors. He bought each one an expensive cigar, and handed the cigars to them while they were smoking. They were very happy with the gift. He then said, "could you just please smoke them outside?" Naturally, they never smoked indoors again.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing
Another way to help people accept their mistakes and try to change is by humbly admitting that you yourself are not flawless. Before bringing their attention to their fault, mention the similar faults of your own.
An engineer's secretary used to often type his letters with spelling mistakes. Until one day when he received a letter that had mistakes, he sat her down and said, "being an engineer, I was never noted for my English skills, but because our letters give an impression about us I had to pay close attention to changing that fact about me. I started carrying around a pocket dictionary." They sat together and fixed all the spelling mistakes in that letter, and ever since she made significantly less spelling mistakes.
4. Ask questions instead of direct orders
People tend to dislike taking orders.
A very successful businessman was noted by his workers for never telling someone "do this", or "don't do that." He would always say things like, "you might consider�" or "what do you think about�" or "do you think this would work?"
Asking questions like that and not giving orders saves a person's pride and gives them a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.
5. Don't hurt a person's pride
At a business meeting once an employee was to present a report to her boss and co-workers. She had made a mistake in her research and mentioned it and told everyone that the research needed to be redone. Her manager could have scolded her and criticized her mistake and hurt her pride in front of everyone present.
Instead, he said, "It is not unusual to make mistakes when working on a new project, I have confidence that the next report will be accurate and reliable, and I know that this mistake was due to lack of experience and not lack of ability." The woman walked out of the meeting determined to never let her boss down again.
Even when someone is definitely wrong, you will only destroy their ego by hurting their pride.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and be specific
When an employee has done a good job or improved in any way, take the time to recognize his or her efforts. Be specific, point out what it is exactly that made their work superior. Everybody likes to be praised but when it is specific it comes across as sincere, and not just something another person is saying to make one feel good.
Sincere and specific praise can work as an exceptional motivator.
7. Give the person a reputation to live up to
When you have something to ask of someone, start by giving them a reputation to live up to.
A sales person had finished an unsuccessful sales call with an existing client about a new product. He was very upset. He went back and said, "Since I left this morning I realized I did not give you the entire picture and I would appreciate some of your time to tell you the points I omitted. I have respected the fact that you are always willing to listen and are big enough to change your mind when the facts warrant a change." Naturally, he was granted another hearing.
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct
If you ever tell an employee that they are doing everything wrong or that they are stupid at doing a certain thing, then you've destroyed every chance that this person tries to improve. However, if you encourage them and tell them that it is easy and that they just need to develop the knack for it and show them you have faith in their ability, then they will try ten times as hard to do it right.
These rules don't guarantee that you will always get people to do the things you want but they sure will increase you chances. Again, and it cannot be stressed enough, all these rules must be applied with sincerity. That is the only way they can be effective
control of 5 senses is necessary
A disciple and his teacher were walking through the forest. The disciple was disturbed by the fact that his mind was in constant unrest.
He asked his teacher, "Why most people's minds are restless, and only a few possess a calm mind? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said, "I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more."
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly, "Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
An elephant and a Fly
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses pull me constantly in all directions and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said, "My five senses do not rule my attention. Whatever I do, I get immersed in it. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I rule and control my attention, and not the other way around."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said, "I understand! If my five senses are in control of my mind and attention, then my mind is in constant unrest. If I am in charge of my five senses and attention, then my mind becomes calm."
"Yes, that's right", answered the teacher, "The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind."
He asked his teacher, "Why most people's minds are restless, and only a few possess a calm mind? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said, "I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more."
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly, "Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
An elephant and a Fly
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses pull me constantly in all directions and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said, "My five senses do not rule my attention. Whatever I do, I get immersed in it. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I rule and control my attention, and not the other way around."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said, "I understand! If my five senses are in control of my mind and attention, then my mind is in constant unrest. If I am in charge of my five senses and attention, then my mind becomes calm."
"Yes, that's right", answered the teacher, "The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind."
The ego is like the rose
The ego is like the rose and also like the thorns which surround the rose. It takes the place of the thorns when it is not cultivated, and it becomes a rose when it is refined.
When the ego remains in the condition of a thorn, more thorns come; and more and more, till it increases its thorns to such an extent that everyone who touches that person is dissatisfied.
In what way do these thorns manifest? They manifest in the form of words, of actions, of desires, in the form of manner. Why does one feel annoyed with certain people in life, even before they have uttered one word? Because the thorn is pricking.
Perhaps that person will say, ‘But I have not said anything, I have not done anything,’ but he does not know that he has thorns; there are perhaps so many that even before he utters one word, before he moves, his presence pricks us. It is a natural outcome of the ego.
Either the ego develops thorns, or it develops into a rose; and when it develops into a rose, then everyone is attracted to it because of its beautiful petals, its delicacy, its fragrance, its color, its softness, its structure.
Everything about it is attractive, appealing, and healing. For every soul there are four stages to pass through in order to come to the culmination of the ego, which means to reach the stage of the rose.
The first stage is that a person is rough, thoughtless and inconsiderate. He is interested in what he wants and in what he likes; as such he is naturally blind to the needs and wants of others.
In the second stage a man is decent and good as long as his interests are concerned. As long as he can get his wish fulfilled he is pleasant and kind and good and harmonious; but if he cannot get his wish and cannot have his way, then he becomes rough and crude and changes completely.
And there is a third stage, when someone is more concerned with another person’s wish and desire, and less with himself; when his whole heart is seeking for what he can do for another. In his thought the other person comes first and he comes after wards.
That is the beginning of turning into the rose.
It is only a rosebud, but then in the fourth stage this rosebud blooms in the person who entirely forgets himself in doing kind deeds for others.
When the ego remains in the condition of a thorn, more thorns come; and more and more, till it increases its thorns to such an extent that everyone who touches that person is dissatisfied.
In what way do these thorns manifest? They manifest in the form of words, of actions, of desires, in the form of manner. Why does one feel annoyed with certain people in life, even before they have uttered one word? Because the thorn is pricking.
Perhaps that person will say, ‘But I have not said anything, I have not done anything,’ but he does not know that he has thorns; there are perhaps so many that even before he utters one word, before he moves, his presence pricks us. It is a natural outcome of the ego.
Either the ego develops thorns, or it develops into a rose; and when it develops into a rose, then everyone is attracted to it because of its beautiful petals, its delicacy, its fragrance, its color, its softness, its structure.
Everything about it is attractive, appealing, and healing. For every soul there are four stages to pass through in order to come to the culmination of the ego, which means to reach the stage of the rose.
The first stage is that a person is rough, thoughtless and inconsiderate. He is interested in what he wants and in what he likes; as such he is naturally blind to the needs and wants of others.
In the second stage a man is decent and good as long as his interests are concerned. As long as he can get his wish fulfilled he is pleasant and kind and good and harmonious; but if he cannot get his wish and cannot have his way, then he becomes rough and crude and changes completely.
And there is a third stage, when someone is more concerned with another person’s wish and desire, and less with himself; when his whole heart is seeking for what he can do for another. In his thought the other person comes first and he comes after wards.
That is the beginning of turning into the rose.
It is only a rosebud, but then in the fourth stage this rosebud blooms in the person who entirely forgets himself in doing kind deeds for others.
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